Saturday, May 25, 2013

The Top 20 LLM Programs in America

Number 18 on this entry was formerly Chapman's Prosecutorial Sciences LLM. Upon further review, this LLM does not currently exist (maybe?) and Chapman limits enrollment to experienced prosecutors with office backing (how shameful to deny access!). I'm blaming the ABA for omitting the limitation from the list I reviewed. Yes, everything is the ABA's fault. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! In any event, I have replaced it with Chapman's Entertainment Law LLM, which I have confirmed is open to normal JDs like you, you unemployed sob.

I have a business trip (recruiting lemmings in Saskatchewan - here's to hoping Saskatoon hasn't gotten the news yet!) so I will be out until Friday, but I wanted to leave my most loyal scam-hungry readers with some solid content to moisten their law-loving loins.

Here, my friendly scamtastics, are the top twenty best, most lovable, adorable LLM programs in America:

Honorable Mention: Allegedly, Pacific-McGeorge offers an LLM in experiential law teaching that's under the radar, but I can't find hard evidence of its existence, so I have to leave it here, but they get major props if they figured out a way to suck loan money out of junior law faculty at other schools.

20. Thomas Cooley's National Security LLM

Recently added! There are apparently 3 other schools with National Security LLMs: Georgetown, GWU, and Catholic. Gee, what do they have in common that Cooley doesn't? Hmmm...

19. Arkansas's Agriculture and Food Law LLM

Here it is. Wow Applebee's with your knowledge of USDA policy.

18. Chapman's LLM in Entertainment and Media Law

Open to JDs.

17. Florida Coastal's LLM in Logistics and Transportation Law

It's apparently the first of its kind. Legal employers like UPS love logistics. I've seen the commercials.

16. Duke's Entrepreneurship LLM

Link here. This degree is basically a clinic in how to combine a prestigious school name with a lovable, cutting edge topic to create a really attractive sheet of paper.

15. NYU's LLM in Legal Theory

Because you became addicted to the BS of law school.

14. Mississippi's Air and Space Law LLM

At least you're in the Sun Belt for this one, I guess. And Boeing will surely snap you up.

13. Pace's Environmental Law LLM

Don't you want a Green Planet? There are a few environmental law LLMs (for some reason, the ABA guide lumps these in with Energy Law LLMs - LOL), but studying at Pace seems worse than going to Vermont or Oregon, where the environment is actually the environment instead of being right by NYC. Bonus points for gaining a "highly regarded" environmental law program over the years, as that will no doubt open doors for graduates.

12. NYLS' Mental Disability Law Masters

While not technically an LLM, this thing looks like an exercise in deliciously-jaded irony.

11. Catholic's LLM in Communications Law

Is this like a communications undergrad degree?

10. Arizona State's Biotechnology and Genomics LLM

Link here. I can see the hiring interview now:

Interviewer: Do you have a masters degree in biochemistry like our last candidate?
Candidate: No, sociology. But I've got an LLM in biotech and genomics.
Interviewer: Hired!

9. Southwestern's Entertainment and Media Law LLM

Link here. Much like biotech, this is actually useful to certain people in LA. But, shhh, UCLA has the exact same program. So, uh...

8. St. John's Sports Law LLM

To clarify, it's "International and Comparative Sports Law." So not only can you represent Lebron James, you can add Messi to your client list, too.

7. The 50+ law schools that offer comparative or international law LLMs. (orgy tie)

No, I'm not going to list them.

6. Lewis & Clark's Animal Law LLM

Look, puppies!!! A kitten on top of a law book! Awwww! I like animals!

Application deadline extended to June 30.

5. St. Thomas of Florida's LLM in Intercultural Human Rights

Proof here. Because why just study international law when you can study human rights and really make a difference?

4. New Hampshire's Masters/LLM offered in International Criminal Law and Justice

From Concord to the Hague. Doesn't this make you feel good: "The LLM degree program enables practicing attorneys to experience financial, career and personal success by earning the mark of distinction of the Master of Laws degree. Only a very small percentage of the world's lawyers distinguish themselves with a proven academic record of subject expertise."

3. Michigan State's Global Food Law LLM

Surely this qualifies you to be manager at all sorts of global food conglomerates like McDonalds and Starbucks. It's like Arkansas's, but it's gone global.

2. Ohio Northern's Democratic Governance / Loyola-Chicago's Rule of Law/PROLAW LLM (tie)

From an UNROL press release: "The students will be provided with the specific knowledge and skills they need to become qualified and effective rule of law advisors in national and internationally sponsored initiatives to improve the rule of law in developing countries, countries in economic transition and countries recovering from violent conflict." Official link for Loyola here.

The Ohio Northern Program is Here. "Training Lawyers to build stable democratic institutions and develop systems to support the rule of law in a market economy."

1. Nebraska's Space, Cyber, and Telecommunications Law LLM

Yes, it exists. Ground Control to Major Tom - not even Houston Texas Southern or one of the Florida dumps, but NEBRAKSA.

Well, there you have it. What will they think of next, those dastardly law deans and their trustees wanting to "appeal to consumers?" Stay tuned, in 5 years this list might look a lot more...interesting.

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