Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Ave Maria Keeps On Truckin', Dean Milhizer Puts In A-plus Scam Effort

Ave Maria - you may remember them as the school that MOVED many states away - is likely facing a hefty drop in enrolled students next year partially as a result of "[m]edia-fueled fears about post-graduation employment and debt load." (lol - media's fault!)

The scambloggers would have you believe that law schools are worried. The scambloggers suck.

Ave Maria does not expect to lay off any faculty or experience financial woesbecause of the smaller student body, Milhizer said. In fact, the school is in its best financial shape since it was founded in 1999.

“We’ve been financially self-sufficient for the last few years,” Milhizer said. “We are no longer dependent on Mr. Monaghan or the foundation for financial assistance.”

Emph. added. See? They moved out and got their own place downtown. No need for daddy's cash anymore!

Oh, and we also get to give out an award for purposeful obtuseness:

Intense media coverage about student loan debt and default rates also could be holding back admissions, but institutions can’t pinpoint a specific reason.

“If somebody doesn’t apply, we don’t have any information about why they didn’t apply,” said Wendy Margolis, communications director for the Pennsylvania-based Admissions Council.

Gee, I have no idea. I also have no idea why women won't sleep with me even though I have this giant rhinoceros horn on my head and bathe in garlic sauce. I can never seem to pinpoint a reason or anything.

Page 2 provides even more fun: a future international lawyer segues into versatility, giving Dean Milhizer an opportunity to spout off about graduates working in a variety of exciting places like "religious group." ("I'm general counsel for the Branch Davidians!")

And then he drops this howler:

Ave Maria, the only law school in Southwest Florida, teaches the fundamentals of law, but connects it to spirituality, morality and ethics. Milhizer says that’s whythe institution is continuing to thrive while others have uncertain futures.

Emphasis added. HA! Dean Milhizer, you're all right.

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