No Faculty Were Harmed, As It Should Be

Oh, Florida Coastal:

Florida Coastal School of Law has laid off about a dozen employees.

In addition to staff cuts, Terry said there is some natural attrition of a limited number of faculty members voluntarily leaving who will not be replaced. But he stressed no faculty members were laid off in the process.

A school's got to have a Code.

Granted, law schools don't operate like real companies with all that free market piffle, but it's hard to imagine another industry keeping every single person who performs as little functional work as the typical law professor while laying off employees who, for the most part, likely keep the place running on a day-to-day basis.

But we have the First Amendment, which says the government cannot infringe the citizen's right to free speech, which, if you're self-interested enough to torture the hell out of it, means a private, for-profit law school should shitcan all the underlings who pay bills and mail stuff before laying a finger on a six-figure professor who teaches international commerce to people who will never leave northern Florida.

Which is how it should be. Law schools are well-prepared to function without any support staff. Much like the Swiss Family Robinson, they'll make it work with what they have and use their natural talents and team-building personalities. The tax professors can no doubt handle the books. The former prosecutors can sell "disaster if you don't convict...yourself to Coastal" in admissions. Whoever teaches property and environmental law can surely manage the building. You've got plenty of former corporate lawyers who can do the mindless administrative tasks. And what the hell, let's be racist and say the international law faculty surely has some cooks and cleaners in the bunch. Why, what a happy little law school I've just built that will somehow function on 10-hour workweeks.

Can you imagine the security staff teaching post-feminist legal philosophy? I didn't think so.

Oh, and speaking of the Code, Always Be Shillin' ("ABS"):

Meanwhile, despite the law school’s challenges, the institution remains confident students will get jobs in the legal field.

Confidence: the best tool a player has. Oh, and janitor at a bail bondsmen's office is a "job[] in the legal field," so if you turn that down to work at Arby's, that's on you, bro.