We have two contenders for the ScamMadness crown: in this corner, WILLAMETTE, the small-time upstarts from the northeast, least likable school in a fairly low-population state, rarely ever mentioned in "worst law school" discussions but managed to knock off Thomas Cooley; and in this corner, we have FLORIDA COASTAL, a for-profit factory that makes it rain attorneys on the northeast Florida coast, right into a super-saturated big state full of lousy law schools.
Neither school has won the crown before, so history will be made, folks.
As is custom in the Final, we go to best 2 out of 3. If you'll recall, last year the University of Illinois trumped Barry in the final by citing the Paul Pless incident three straight times, even when irrelevant to the topic at hand. Classy, but the rules have been changed and, in any event, neither Coastal nor Willamette have a true game-changed suiting up for them this year. Aside from the final number, all data come from the Cooley Rankings: America's foremost authority on law school data.
TOPIC 1: LIBRARY LOAD-UP
Almost everyone in law knows that library books are a non-necessity to modern law practice, yet the ABA and most law schools still insist on having massively full libraries of items used only by professors who refuse to get on Westlaw. So the question here is, simply, how much does each full-tuition-payer roughly pay in library expenditures each year, ignoring pesky things like gifts and other sources of revenue, not that law schools really have any.
At Willamette, each student pays roughly $1,624 every year to support total library expenditures of over $690,000. Meanwhile, Coastal spends only twice that much to support a student body of four times the size. So each Coastal student pays only $775 each year. Advantage Willamette.
TOPIC 2: MINORITY FLEECING
All law schools love minorities, but not all of them want minorities around after the first year. What we're looking for here is a law school that boasts "opportunity" by admitting marginally-qualified minorities only to boot them out and leave them with a year of debt and no closer to any tangible career.
Florida Coastal's 1L class is 30.1% minority. However, the school's overall minority percentage is only 27%. That means the school manages to scrub out quite a few minorities after the first year and their "diversity" shtick seems more similar to a beautiful advertising ploy. Meanwhile, Willamette's percentage of minorities actually increases when one looks at the total student body to the 1L composition. How does that even happen? Advantage Coastal.
TOPIC 3: SHADY EMPLOYMENT NUMBERS
It all comes down to this. And what else could we pick? Here, we're looking for who has the biggest discrepancy between the advertised employed-after-9-months percentage and the "employment score" posted on Law School Transparency.
Willamette reports 94.1% of its graduates are employed per Cooley. However, LST lists their employment score at a lowly 45.6%, giving them an impressive differential of 48.5%.
Florida Coastal isn't as aggressive and reported only a 91.4% employed percentage. However, LST lists their employment score as a way-paltrier 34.9%, giving them a differential of 56.5%.
IT'S FLORIDA COASTAL! They've done it! Those Oregon Trailers brought their A-game, but it just wasn't enough to take the title away! What talent! What skill!
Congratulations, Florida Coastal! You are the Scam Madness Champions. To Dean Goplerud III and staff, you have done an outstanding job. This is YOUR shining moment, you glorious dream-and-finance-crushers! JACKSONVILLE WILL DRINK CHAMPAGNE TONIGHT!!!
Cut down the nets, boys and girls. Write a law review article on proto-feminism in Popeye comics. Storm the court. Turn over a car or two. Indenture another student. You earned it.