Northeastern recently graduated a new class of lawyers, and it's hard to hide the optimistic ecstasy:
“No matter what you do after today, as long as you leverage the knowledge and experience that you worked hard to gain here at Northeastern and remember to bring your common sense and your humanity every day, no matter what you do, you will be great and you will make a difference,” [Sanofi senior vice president and Northeastern alumna Tracey] McCain said.Unfortunately, I'm not able to find a transcript of the Q&A. I'm also not looking for one, but it's clear I'm going to have to create my own.
[Dean Jeremy Paul:] “In short, you came to Northeastern because you wanted to make a difference, and you are already doing so.”
Law professor Daniel Medwed delivered the faculty address, and he invited retiring professor Stephen Subrin to join him on stage to share the moment. They delivered the address as a Q&A to each other. Subrin asked Medwed what differentiates Northeastern law students, and Medwed said they were nimble, resourceful, resilient, and committed to teamwork and collaboration.
Q: When you say "leverage the knowledge" gained at Northeastern, it's irony premised on the reality that law schools doesn't teach shit about real law practice, right?
A: No, not at all!
Q: Do you think people who enrolled at Northeastern in 2013 have a lot of common sense?
A: Of course.
Q: Don't you think that telling graduates that they will make a difference - knowing that half of them will never be meaningfully employed as lawyers, much less in any satisfactory role that advances the public interest - is like calling up a fraud victim just to lie to them again?
A: Those lawsuits were summarily dismissed.
Q: When people talk about "making a difference," why do they never seem address the possibility that the difference being made is a negative one in the aggregate?
A: Objection, rhetorical!
Q: Does paying enough in tuition over three years to afford a Maserati - and not the cheap one - qualify as making a difference?
A: These faculty members would be making seven figures as partners in Boston's most prestigious law firms otherwise.
Q: I find "nimble" to be an incredibly odd adjective to describe law graduates.
A: Obviously, it's meant figuratively. No one's getting contortion-fucked here.
Q: Is resilience really a good virtue when it leads to failing the bar multiple times or staying in a saturated lawyer field rather than doing something socially productive?
A: Damn it, like 90% of the Massachusetts bar is going to retire in the next few years! We have an old lawyer crisis at the gate!
Q: Are you saying that other law school graduates aren't as teamwork-y as Northeastern graduates?
A: Yes. Northeastern graduates are special, like snowflakes.
Q: Does that include the professors on your faculty who went to other, more prestigious law schools?
Q: Will you be hiring these Northeastern graduates to the faculty to harness these super-abilities?
A: This impertinence is why no one can take you seriously.
Q: Is the mark that graduates will leave on the profession skid in nature?
A: .... no response ...