Friday, April 7, 2017

Enjoy Your Loan Forgiveness, Public Servants

As I have explained before, there is a delicate art to the scam.  Amateurs believe it is simple as distorting reality to get a sucker's commitment - bait hook, dangle before hungry fish, fish bites, set hook.

Oh, no, dear readers.  Scam has an Olympic-sized panoply of deceitful disciplines for the decathaletic auteur.  It's not just punching a sport-coat hair product punk in the face; it's stabbing one in the gutless ribs with a needle that deposits an arsenic pill whose coating doesn't dissolve until after the graduation cake is shat.

Consider PSLF.  For years, law schools have pitched themselves as a catapult for the careers of would-be public servants, those special types willing to ride the Eight Hundred Thousand Dollar Express, their desire to act pro bono publico and help war widows battle slumlords exceeding, ever so slightly, their desire to money-fuck a lubed piggy bank.

Rising tuition?  Don't worry, kids.  The federal government's got this great program called PSLF.  Under PSLF, you can pay ridiculous tuition up-front and it's like monopoly money because it just vanishes like poof 'n' shit when you make ten years of payments.  100k? 200k? 500? 1.3 mil?  Once your indentured sentence is done, the loan is gone, no tax bomb, zap!, and you can leave your dreary PD job to hop back on the mainline Express, where your lack of debt payments provides extra allowance for models 'n' bottles.

Naive servile lemmings.  That career catapult just hurled you headlong into a spider's web that wasn't yet spun when you launched.

Fuck soccer; this is the beautiful game.
Under a program known as Public Service Loan Forgiveness, some student loan borrowers were supposed to be able to have the balance of their student loans forgiven after ten years of both on-time payments and eligible work in the public sector. Meaning, a qualifying nonprofit, federal, local, state, or tribal government.
Last year a small group of borrowers learned that their eligibility for the program had revoked.  [blah blah blah; some go-getters have sued to enforce PSLF rights, and the Dept. of Ed. has filed a pleading arguing that filing annual certifications with FedLoan Servicing means jack diddly.]
Not only have many people made financial and career decisions based on the program, some told us they avoided getting legally married [...or...] reconsider having children.
...Congress may eliminate the program. President Trump has talked about streamlining the many student loan repayment options currently available, a proposal that has bipartisan support. When Sen. Patty Murray, a Democrat from Washington, asked Education Secretary Betsy DeVos directly during the confirmation process whether she would uphold Public Service Loan Forgiveness, DeVos she said she "look[ed] forward to discussing" it.
If you fuckos are stressing about the uncertainty of your loan discharge program while performing grueling and underpaid work for ungrateful pseudo-charity cases, just remember that most of your tuition money is probably earning a really nice rate of return in someone's investment account, probably just a little less than the interest accruing on your loans. 

That money's in a better place.  Face it; you would've spent it on frivolous goods like housing, kids, new business ventures, 'n' such.


  1. Have it admit back in 2003 or so, I was a little jealous of my those of my classmates who landed PD work or something similar. Yeah, the pay was low, but damn, ten years of good behavior and they are out. I was looking at the 30 year plan, no breaks, no soft landings.

    Of course gubmint would turn around and try to yank this. A bunch of young kids with law degrees is not a sufficiently-worth-it photo op for the money, so kill the program. The Cartel knew this would be the result, but that didn't stop them from shilling students or warning about the vaporware nature of the program.

    I actually feel bad for folks trapped in this. I knew I had no option. But relying on this to get f*cked later...that's just cold. Criminals are treated better.

  2. So, I'm super curious as to the what Georgetown is now telling its 1L's.

    I remember when they got busted by cell phone video telling them in extreme detail how Georgetown partners with students to game the PSLF system.

    'It's coming down.
    It's coming down.
    It's coming down.
    You lie on the floor.
    She's slamming your door.
    She's gone,
    And she's wearing your red sweater.'