Then the whole assembly rose and led it off to California state court. 2 And they began to accuse him, saying, “You're a scam!”3 So the Court asked TJLS, “Are you a good law school?”
“You have said so,” TJLS replied.
4 Then the court announced to the his clerks, “I find no basis for a charge against this school.”
5 But they insisted, “It's a scam!”
6 On hearing this, Pilate asked if the school was accredited. 7 When he learned that the school was under ABA jurisdiction, he sent him to the ABA, who has representatives all over the country ready to serve America's lawyers.
8 But the ABA representative was conned and/or drunk. 9 Replacing him was some nefarious lawyer who plied the school with many questions. 10 The lawyer was vehemently accusing the school. 11 Then a bunch of stupid bloggers and non-professorial alumni ridiculed and mocked TJLS. 12 That day the Court lost its damned mind and agreed with some of the bloggers.
13 The court reconvened, 14 and said to them, “This is ridiculous. 15 I am dismissing the class allegations. 16 Da fuq.”
18 But the statistics-ignored crowd shouted, “Scam!” 19
20 Wanting to release TJLS, the Court appealed to them again. 21 But they kept shouting, “Scam!”
22 For the third time he spoke to them: “Why? What crime has this school committed? I have found in it no grounds for the death penalty you seek. Therefore I will dismiss this stupid suit.”
23 But with loud shouts about the basic elements of fraud they insistently demanded that TJLS be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. 24 So the Court decided to grant their demand. 25 He released a murderer for no plot point other than to show how stupid it was, and surrendered TJLS to their will.
44 It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, 45 for the sun stopped shining. 46 TJLS called out with a loud voice, “please, stop this trial and dismiss these charges!" But they continued the trial, each allegation and aspersion a spear in the side of TJLS.
47 The jury, wrought by emotion and seeing what had happened, praised TJLS and said, “Surely this was a righteous law school.” 48 When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. 49 The jury was not impressed.
On the fourth day of the week, very early in the afternoon, the jury came back. 2 They found the metaphorical stone rolled away from the tomb of the beleaguered law school, 3 and they could not possibly continue such a trial and opted to acquit on all charges. 4
36 The other ABA law schools were quite distraught , TJLS appeared on a conference call and said to them, “Peace be with you.”
37 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. 38 It said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? 39 Look at my employment statistics! They are legit!”
40 They looked and were astounded by the simultaneous accuracy and charlatanism. 41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, TJLS asked them, “Do you have more applicants?” A bit of awkwardness ensued, but it was all good, because TJLS was truly an excellent school, and not at all like Trump University. Not even remotely. Eat a nut, scammers, this institution, contrary to your allegations of mortality, is flying to the heavens in a bath of white light and student loan dollars.