Monday, December 16, 2013

The Modern Law School: Training Graduates Faster Than Ever Before

For all those of you corn-fed idiots who think that law schools don't teach anything and that "third tier" schools are worthless and that it's best to play Sandy Vagina, I'd like you to pull up a chair and learn about a young attorney named Maverick Ray.  You can read all about Maverick at Mark Bennett's site here and here.

Long story short, Maverick - who appears to be a December 2012 graduate of South Texas and a May 2013 bar admittee -  is serving as retained counsel in a mothafuckin' capital murder case as a solo attorney six-seven months on the job.

Law schools are evolving, friends.  People like Maverick are the vanguard of the New Normal.

The rest of you are bums.  Ipso facto res ipsa loquitor duh.  Obviously, there's a ton of demand for go-getter attorneys like him, and these criminal defendants apparently have no other option.  You all are letting these people go under-served with your "too many lawyers" attitude, showing a complete lack of eagerness to learn and help mankind as a public servant.

People like Maverick are rising stars.  You're a turd-brown dwarf.

Maverick is an inspiration to us all, a beacon of legal humanity in very dark and troubling times for alleged "third-tier" law schools everywhere.  South Texas College of Law is doing things right, and anyone who enrolls there and actually networks and hustles and has the right attitude can thrive even if (if!) BigLaw doesn't present that six-figure offer sheet.

So here's our next challenge as law schools move above and beyond, to ever-greater heights of serving the public.

Can we do it faster?!

I believe we can.  I want to see our best law schools (not Stanford or Yale!) pumping out graduates who can take capital murder cases three months after admission.

Two months after admission.

Trying the case hours after getting the bar card.

Driving straight from the admissions ceremony and/or letter in mail to voir dire a hostile jury in Backwater County, Deep South State, to defend Innocent Ernie (minority, blue collar, gee shucks) against Crusty Chickenhawk (angry prosecutor) and Hon. Callum Fairley (ironic name).

I believe that with the right combination of winning personality and tuition-honed skillz, our law schools will be spitting out lawyers with full-blown practices during their 3L year.  Celebrated practices.  Judicial candidates.  From 2L to professor.

With all the excellent law schools in this country, I know we can.  The sky's the limit, and it's only a matter of time before a lawyer so great and so powerful comes along, the state and defense consent to continue a death penalty case so that lead defense counsel can be licensed first.

And you assholes want to exclude new solos from the employment statistics.  Next time a first-year associate at WilmerHale sits first-chair on a death penalty case, let me know.


  1. Any attorney with only 6 months experience shouldn't be handling a capital murder case. Ridiculous. But then again, the government wouldn't have it any other way.

    1. Au contraire, the state has objected and may take it to the Texas bar, obviously scared of going against a stellar rookie.

  2. If a person with less than 1 year of legal experience can become a law school professor and train up the next generation of lawyers, I don't see why a person with 6 months experience can't try a capital murder case.

    Law schools are teaching by example that practice and experience are not relevant in being considered an expert in any field.

    Students are being taught to just read some theory and fake it, just like their teachers.

  3. I didn't say they "couldn't" do it, only that they're not doing their defendant-client any favors.