Thursday, July 4, 2019

Dean Satan's Declaration of Independence

When in the Course of Scamcraft it becomes necessary for red-faced administrators to speak in the third person and gesture menacingly at the bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the hypothetical separation.

I hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all men are created equal, that legal administrations are endowed by their Creator with certain surplus uncommon abilities, unimpeachable white-collar manners, and unalienable rights, that among these are Limitless Locution, Licentious Leisure, and the pursuit of Legal Lucre. — That to secure these rights, academic bar associations are instituted among our Special Clique, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Administrative Oversight becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Deans to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Administrative Regime (or just destroy the existing one, por favor?), laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Satisfaction and Greed.

The history of the present American Bar Association is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Legal Institutions and prevent the Justice of the Inoffensive Exploitation of Student Loan Conduits.  To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

I would list them out Severally and Specifically, the Scorns and Calumnies, but as a Law Dean such a task is beneath me and my Secretary is on Holiday.  Basically, kindly lower bar score thresholds and ensure the rest of us are not going the way of our Lesser Acquaintances.  The soft exploitation of minorities is good, too.  I also would like a free Espresso Bar at the next Tropical Convention.  Suffice to say, the American Bar Association has blown its organizational imperative to fully support its member organizations' earnest efforts of Scamcraft.

Appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of my intentions, I do, in the Name, and by Authority of my Supreme Deanship, declare that I am, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent  hereby sternly advising the American Bar Association of my Supreme Consternation. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, I pledge my Life, my Fortune (the fuck?) and my sacred Honor.
Govern yourself accordingly.

Scam on,

Dean Satan

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