Monday, June 25, 2018

Valparaiso: the Murfreesboro Years

Valparaiso has a problem. Despite a university foundation dating to the antebellum years - despite being America's most Lutheran law school - and despite the recent 20% contraction in Indiana special justice training academies, Valpo just can't catch a break.

The libelous wounds of the anti-law school publication assault simply run too deep, hemorrhaging like a ferocious closing on a just but losing cause.  Somehow, few people on the far fringes of a super-saturated legal market want to attend law school in the inverse taint of Indiana.

Solution? Mufreesboro, Tennessee, baby, land of dreams and - now - sweet justice.
Middle Tennessee State University has received a nonbinding letter of intent from Valparaiso Law School, a part of Valparaiso University in northwest Indiana, to transfer to Murfreesboro, the Daily News Journal reported.
Murfreesboro now has a six-figure population.  It's rapidly growing and Rutherford County has no other law schools.  Local businesses like Nissan, State Farm, and Amazon cry out for an influx of 300, 400 new lawyers a year.  As it is, would-be lawyers have to drive (or walk!) 34 miles to Nashville should they want to attend a piece of shit law school.

And yet some of you would rather see them inconvenienced by arduous commuter travel than saturating middle Tennessee with so many lawyers justice becomes freer than a certain minority group in reconstruction.  Murfreesboro just makes sense and if you see someone say otherwise, they're letting reason get in the way of good feeling, which has led exactly no one to success in life.


Of course, lots of places would make an excellent landing spot for Valparaiso.  Oregon State, Central Florida, UTEP, Boise State, Norfolk State.  As the article explains, Middle Tennessee received a "nonbinding letter of intent."  I can't help but think Valpo launched these fuckers like their annual spray of fat-chance admissions pamplets.
Dear Fellow American Acclaimed University:

YOU have been looking for ways to increase your prestige while expanding your donor list and that li'l' special projects' piggy bank.  You've possibly already done a feasibility study that says, "duh, law school!"

WE are a prestigious, top-ranked law school looking for a new home, with a ready-made alumni base and a faculty that could be working at any number of law firms your board of trustees would hire were it sued by students, which it totally won't be, because you're a legit college...or at least you will be one you have a top law school.

Wanna bang?
 It's worked for me on the dating market with rousing success by my own definition.  Why not Valpo?

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Official LSTC Statement on Arizona Summit Losing Accreditation

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,
But there is no joy in Phoenix—mighty Summit is the unfortunate victim of overwrought and misguided administrative regulations that are hamstringing America's entrepreneurship and now endangering our supply of new lawyers in the southwest I sure hope to Christ you snooty narcissists are happy with the hellscape you've created which seems like the equivalent of torching the tracks after your own moneytrain has left the station the hypocrisy the hypocrisy the hypocrisy!

Friday, June 8, 2018

We'll Always Have the Memories, TJ; Now We Have the Future

A bittersweet moment.
This week, the school announced it will vacate its custom-built law campus and relocate to a smaller space in a 24-story downtown San Diego office building that also houses Bank of American and several law firms, including Lewis Brisbois Bisgaard & Smith. Classes will be held in the new space starting in the fall.
Sure, you might say, it's a waste that Thomas Jefferson School of Law built a $90 million dollar law school with all the bells and whistles to be expected by America's top law applicants.  That fine mock court room and the swank diner where woke, intelligent students sipped coffee and discussed the detailed holdings of Casey v. Planned Paranthood.

As our most famous real estate tycoon would say: sad!  But on the bright side, TJLS is now in the same building as several law firms.  Now not only is the bright futures of these eager beavers intangibly palpable, it's physically palpable.  A few each year will no doubt be able to smell the new carpeting and paint of their posh offices.

TJLS students, have you ever tried the getting off on the wrong floor trick?  Hundreds - thousands, even - of lawyers in our major cities can land jobs through this innovative form of networking.
1.  Wear nicest $250 suit you own and don't skimp on the shoes or accessories, bro.  Ladies, if you got 'em, let the girls breathe a bit.  Take resumes and print-outs of writing samples that cover areas in which the big firm practices.
2.  Get off on the floor of a top law firm.
3.  Claim you have an interview at some fake law firm - "Jones Johnson Smith, LLP" or something.
4.  When the receptionist points to the sign and says, "yeah, that's not us," get a flustered look, turn, walk confidently, and fall flat on your face, splaying the papers everywhere.  Blood is a plus.  Learn how to feign something being broken.
It's pot luck who walks through the lobby when you're running this game, but talk about getting a foot in the door!  Lower 1st-tier graduates from schools like TJLS usually have to make their fortunes everywhere; it's plain that this prejudice reduces their opportunities at firms like Lewis Brisbois.  But being in the same building, having a security pass, and being able to claim you got off on the wrong floor... go ask Cal-Western if those fuckers can do that.

So of course it's sad to see a school move from its resplendent campus, a tragic result of the fluke recession mixing with irrational fears about the law school scam to create a "perfect storm" of this overlooked, underrated, emerging market law school not being able to reel in the guppies fast enough.  But look at the silver lining - most of these TJLS students are closer to BigLaw than ever!