Monday, March 25, 2019

Guess Which Enterprising Law School Offered Admission to a Teenager?

HYPO:  A gifted young woman graduates high school at 13.  Currently 16, she's set to graduate college this semester.  Crusty skeptics would say that a responsible law school interested in training professionals should not be in the business of enrolling a teenager who likely, by nature and through no fault of her own, lacks the maturity to practice in three years.  So, which law school is going to tell all of those deflated scrotums to fuck themselves and offer admission?

TRICK QUESTION:  The answer is at least ten!  She's actually enrolling at SMU, which is currently ranked... prestigious... by the U.S. News rankings.  It's where lots of good Texas lawyers went and isn't typically a recipient of angry spittle about being in the "third tier" or worse. 

MATH:  The "million dollar premium" was calculated based on a traditional K-JD all-star.  A 16-year-old who graduates law school at 19 gains an additional 5-6 years at the front end of a high-earning career, which, by my bar napkin calculations, increases the earnings premium to 2 million easily (compound interest, etc.).  The charlatans at the ABA and various accreditation offices are clearly robbing gifted students by keeping most of them from earning their six-figure potential at 20 years old.  This is fundamental economics.

ADVICE:  For any other minor considering a legal education, I would like to advise you that studying law is far more interesting than pretty much any other venture a teenager can involve themselves.  Malls, cars, music, sex, drugs - all overrated products of immature vanity.  In fact, fuck the idea of a social life alltogether - I've never met a teenager worth talking to, and boy have I tried!  The adult world is where all the fun is at. Don't you want to look forward to co-workers gabbing about NO COLLUSION and their NCAA brackets?  To get there, I can't think of a better detour than reading jurisprudential gems like Parents Involved in Community Schools v. Seattle School District No. 1.

Shit, if she's a lawyer at 19 or 20, with the right ideological views she'll be in line for a district court gig while her age peers are just getting sworn in.  The Million Dollar Express has an infinite supply of track, after all.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Congratulations and/or It's Okay, You're Still Running a Law School

It's that time of year!  Again!

U.S News has come out with its newest rankings, where a dying publication reshuffles a few law schools around the rankings as they have been for a couple decades and everyone pretends it's news.

As is tradition, there is a cavalcade of 2nd-rate journalistic outlets using the pseudo-expertise pedaled by a 3rd-rate publication for fresh-take articles.  For example, this one's headline highlights UNLV being the "top 60," which is a polite way of saying it didn't quite make the top 50.

This one, about law schools in Georgia, has many hallmarks of the genre, the highlight of which is the passive aggressive dean quotes showcasing a master-class in academic public relations, where the winners have received self-evident proof of their greatness while the losers have liberty to challenge the very idea of ranking law schools.
  • Emory's law dean calling it a "top-ranked global law school" as if that's a real thing and suggesting that it teaches students to "think critically about the rule of law," whatever that means.  (Note: the LSTC is pro-rule of law.  Pro.)
  • Georgia's dean speaking in terms of "epic strides and buzzwording the school as the "nation’s best return on investment in legal education."
  • Mercer - which dropped 10 spots - saw its dean say this: 
We obviously would rather be moving up in the rankings in a year when our bar passage rate went up, but that underscores to a large extent the arbitrariness of the rankings year to year.
God, that's some good stuff.  Are your blood vessels not dilated?  Who needs drugs when you can read law school journalism?

Perhaps the biggest Congrats of the week goes to Concordia University and, by extension, the Great State of Idaho.  Concordia now has full ABA accreditation, which is like having a full metal jacket, although the only people blowing their brains out are the graduates 20 years into debt repayment. For now? 

The metaphor works:  there's nothing better in America than holding a loaded weapon or running a law school.