Saturday, July 15, 2017

The Charleston Saga, Cont'd: The Law School Strikes Back

The Trump era has been nothing if not the indisputably glorious triumph - finally - of the red-blooded, punch-first white American male, the type of schmoes who toil in moldering factories to buy bolt action rifles and heavy duty pickups for their daily trip to the domestic-only liquor store 'cross town.  The mid-shelf hard stuff and none-too-crafty beer.  God bless 'Merica.

Charleston, SC, is a city of Men. Colonial, southern, true blue American, 70% white, coastal, nice climate, nice-assed women, Fort Sumpter - that most American of places - just off the beautiful harbor...

It fits that Charleston has a resplendent law school worthy of its environment.  Contrary to all you granola poops who said the place was done, Charleston School of Law is a haughty roar of thunder on an otherwise pacific afternoon.

Charleston is off the naughty list of the Department of Education, which has finally realized it has better priorities - like doing nothing at all.
Several years after the Charleston School of Law became engulfed in chaos over a pending sale to a private company, its president says the institution has rebounded in enrollment and finances.

"The school is turning around quicker than anyone could imagine," President Ed Bell said Friday. "We literally thought it would take four to five years, but we've done it in less than two."

Bell noted that in October 2015, the school had only 82 members in its freshman class. Last year, that had climbed to 202, and he said he expects between 200 and 225 this fall.
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! 
Good for Charleston.  Like the 42-year-old freshly divorced father of three who bagged a 23-year-old Denny's waitress, it's rebounded nicely, showcasing an admirable amount of institutional prowess.

And, back on the road to freewheeling American white male success, it's telling its disposable consumers - all pending millionaires - to go fuck themselves in remarkably adroit ways:
The school is appealing its failing rating on another federal list that compares graduates' incomes with their student debt. Bell said his goal is that future students can cut their student debt in half within five years — without abandoning the school's emphasis on encouraging graduates to take unconventional jobs, at least at first.

"We encourage students immediately after getting out of school just to take a couple of years and give back," he said. "Go be a policeman, go be a fireman. Go work as a law clerk. A lot of these are low-paying jobs, but it teaches them something they will take with them for the rest of their lives."
Can you imagine a better way to metaphorically shove a razor wire dildo up a lemming's firm buttocks than to tell him or her to go work as a policeman, fireman, or law clerk?  The former two are basically crashing a high-demand fraternity with the wrong skill-set and the third one is telling them to do what lawyers sometimes do anyway out of career ambition (judicial) or a failure to find a real lawyer job (private).

Selling public service as a mask for the fact that one's graduates maybe perhaps sorta can't get good lawyer jobs is the sort of scam cookin' that wins James Beard Awards. 

"A couple of years" also happens to be the shelf life for many third tier law degrees.  Trying to get an entry-level lawyer position after three years of fightin' fires sounds like a great way for employers to assume there's something mentally wrong with you. 

You're as employable as you'll ever be the day you graduate law school, so why not take some completely unrelated job and piss away the short window of opportunity you have?

Well, if anyone can do it, it's Charleston students.  These plucky bastards ran straight back on the Million Dollar Express right after a derailment.  If anyone can pull off K-JD-cop-lawyer, it's this snowfall of special flakes.

Like  Ken-doll, I guess, you can dress your little superman in all sorts of new outfits.  For example, here's a cute little Jos. A. Bank suit with matching briefcase.  And here's a snazzy policeman's outfit complete with a whistle, baton, and a working Glock!  Hands up, don't shoot!


  1. Oh, yes, just waltz into the local fire station, flash your diploma from Charlatan Law Skule, and magnanimously offer to demean yourself for a couple of years by taking one of their lowly jobs (as if there weren't a thousand applicants even when they aren't hiring). That's a great way to get one end of a hose shoved up your ass while the other end is connected to a hydrant.

  2. If you don't get a lawyer job within a year of graduating, then your chances of gaining such a position are ultra thin. With the yearly influx of freshly-minted JDs, why would firms pick you over the new batch?

    1. A person who had not found a job within a year of graduating would seem picked over, presumptively rejected everywhere or otherwise undesirable.

      A person who did something else in order to "give back" would raise similar suspicions: the person either was unable to find work as a lawyer or else lacked commitment to a career in law. Neither possibility is attractive to a prospective employer. In addition, the person would be suspected of not remaining current with the law.

      Law school is the only "professional" program whose administrators "encourage students immediately after getting out of school just to take a couple of years and give back". Imagine telling medical students to work as police officers or firefighters for the first two or three years after graduation. Inconceivable? Then why is it acceptable for law students?

      After that little announcement from the arrogant and oblivious head of Charlatan, anyone who applies is a goddamn fool.

  3. The good dean's comments are stupid and insulting-but Charleston is a case study of why the scam is a hardy as your average cockroach. Just a short 18 months ago, conventional wisdom had it that Charleston had had it. But no more-with open admissions, a virtually unlimited supply of new college grads with worthless BAs, and the federal government practically begging grad students to take out loans, Charleston hung tough and succeeded. And in their success, both its graduates and the taxpayer will suffer, as the loans will never be discharged in bankruptcy and will never be repaid.
    It's heartbreaking to say, but the scam will never die-Charleston is living proof of that.