Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Praise Be to God for the Trump Effect

Somehow I missed it last week when hero-worthy-of-psalms Nick Allard fired yet another thunderous sniper-shot from the right side of history:
Almost single handedly, President Trump has made lawyers the breakout stars in the early days of his new administration.
Praise be to God for giving having our peers scurrying to airports like maggoty mice who just discovered a bread factory; surely such blessings equals breakout stardom profession-wide - and revenue to pay rent, bar dues, and bottles from the top shelf.
Law schools can seize this moment and, like the generation inspired by Woodward and Bernstein to pursue careers in journalism, lead the renaissance in legal education that would revive a profession in need of an injection of youth, idealism, and high-tech savvy.
Praise be to God for sending a 1979 law school graduate to deliver the Good News of salvation in youth, idealism, and tech savvy.

Praise be to God for the generation of journalists inspired by Woodward and Bernstein, who led a euphoric cloudburst of hard-hitting investigative journalism that led us to our current most blessed political-media state.

Praise be to God for the coming renaissance; may Botticelli's Venus pull her hair up, wear a gray pantsuit, and reverse Citizen's United.
[A]nother compelling factor is the intense interest among many Millennials in issues of social justice and the urge to make a positive difference.

They are a keenly entrepreneurial generation, and the law and well-trained lawyers are central to success of new ventures.
Praise be to God for the Millennials, particularly the ones who lack the relative pragmatism and thrift of their Gen X counterparts and instead want to pursue social justice as a lifestyle choice.

Praise be to God for the Millennials' open entrepreneurial spirit, readily observable in companies like Theranos.  Prior generations just, like, didn't want to roll the dice and see if their little thimble landed on the Instant Billionaire square.

Praise be to God for start-ups, who love burning capital on cost-effective legal services, usually performed by fresh law school graduates who can "bro out" with them at the Foosball table and not at all on partners at the shiny firms with a choke-hold oligarchy who know what the fuck they're doing.

Praise be to God for the Hamilton name-drop in the middle of the article; that will play nicely with the culturally savvy Millennials.

Praise be to God for furtive Brooklyn Law School advertisements; Brooklyn is now only $245,982 at non-discounted cost, and almost all receive a discount!

Praise be to God and the Rule of Law, whose very existence is just precisely imperiled enough, perpetually, that the solution is more lawyers and neither tanks for the rebellion or, perhaps in security, that would-be law students find something socially productive to do.

Praise be NOT to this blaspheming jackass here, who is obviously just trying to reduce competition for when he gets out of law school so he can profit profit profit.  Trust us; it takes one to know one.



  1. Praise his Name for U.S. News' annual law school rankings which allow law deans to justify admitting the highly intelligent and well-connected with fat tuition waivers as social justice lawyers who can assist the full-tuition paying, less qualified from the tracks' other side, bar-challenged alumni as they struggle to feed and clothe their families, in one eternal law school alumni food chain (visualize the snake which tempted Eve to eat the fruit of knowledge forever biting its own tail).

  2. BLS just dropped to #97 in US Snooze, tied with Wayne State University. That's on par with being a casino bus driver in Mississippi.

  3. Praise be to God,
    For our great,
    Wall building, laws rescinding,
    Russians fit hand-in-glove.

    Hallelujah! Orange Glory!
    Hallelujah! MAGA!
    Hallelujah! Bigly scoring!
    We're winning! No duh!

  4. As a dog returneth to its vomit, so do law deans repeateth the folly of advocating for the college graduate to attendeth law school (and incurreth Goliath-size debts) order to become a social justice warrior.