Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Letter Joining in Opposition of Jefferson Sessions as Attorney General

In case you missed it, well over 1000 law professors from 48/49 states (fuck you for still not having a law school, Alasska) - including Dean Chemerinsky, Prof. Leiter, and Prof. Leong - have signed a joint letter to Congress opposing the confirmation of Sen. Jefferson Beauregard Sessions as the next Attorney General of the United  States  on the grounds that he isn't fit to  serve as chief justice evangelist.

Here, the LSTC joins them.

Dear Congressperson:

The Law School Truth Center is an unincorporated non-non-profit dedicated to preserving the Rule of Law in the United States of America by flooding the streets with so many lawyers and so much legal scholarship that injustice figuratively drowns in the resulting mass of bodies and paperwork and discarded models and bottles and from Ivory Tower high-rises.

The Center is very, very concerned about the potential appointment of Jeff Sessions as Attorney General.  Sure, Sessions is the 2017 equivalent of Albert Speer in Strom Thurmond dress.  But more importantly, Sessions seems opposed to the sort of reckless federal government spending/expansion and student loan reform that would ideally lend itself  to expanding justice by getting every single American a law degree.

Of course, there are pros.  A Sessions-led DOJs portends more criminal prosecutions in select areas ripe for expanded prosecutor's offices and more criminal defense retainers.  Immigration law looks to be on the rise.  And forfeiture cases!  A whole new niche for aspiring law graduates wanting to defend confused Airbnb lessors and parents whose teenage son's friends' cousin's girlfriend got busted with a baggie in that brand new Lincoln.

But overall, we need to trust the Ivory Tower on this one.  A thousand law professors, by definition, cannot be wrong. They are the Earthly vanguard of Law, one of the essential forces holding the universe together.  Running the factories of justice with efficient, sacrificial aplomb, they are oracles, maintainers of equilibrium between have and have-not, white and black, rich and poor. criminal and victim, peace and war, civilization and barbaric anarchy. Their vote should be worth more than yours.

We might say that this letter is yet another pointless, attention-grabbing attempt by Infiniti-driving liberals to halt the results of an election they were too stupid to win despite obvious intellectual superiority.  We might question why hundreds of trained lawyers failed to come up with better evidence than dredging up thirty year old anecdotes, citing political positions that are irrelevant to his new position, and overstating the role of the individual Attorney General.  We might pause and ask why law professors believe they "work every day to better understand the law and teach it to [their] students" as opposed to "teaching students how to practice law."

No bother.  After years of careful contemplation and applying law to fact, your wits are no match. If these uebermenschen Pharasies have determined that cons outweigh pros, it's high time to reevaluate your position and vote no on Jeff Sessions.

Of course, if you still favor the Confederate Commu-Nazi, there's a perfectly good way to combat such left-wing piffle: 

More. Conservative. Law. Schools.

I don't know if you saw the school affiliations for these mandarins, but most hail from the sort of super-liberal hippie campuses that have ruined American education by making it all multicultural, progressive, and philosophical as opposing to, say, the University of Georgia circa 1965.  But there are lights among the darkness, friends, schools like Liberty University and Ave Maria College of Law.

If you dislike the immediate checkmate feeling when a thousand brilliant academics stomp and pout in unison, create a counter-movement.  Find - or create - a thousand brilliant academics who support the war on drugs, trickle-down economics, and that particular reading of the New Testament.

Of course, given the current hostile climate, it's difficult to build schools with such singular focus.  While normally the federal government should be limited and Medicare/Medicaid should just be stopped cold turkey, as we all know, it's perfectly appropriate to use federal spending for pet pork projects.

Let's build ten new law schools in the next four years with an ambitious proposal I like to call the Restore American Justice Act.  Commission a study for the ten places most in need of a law school that can provide ideological diversity.  I suggest starting in Washington D.C., a metropolitan area sorely in need of more lawyers.

Put Ted Cruz on it.  Build 'em.  Watch 'em glow.  Enjoy the spoils of even more balanced justice and even more letters to the editor guiding the American people on best for The Law.



P.S.:  Also, since we all know pot will soon be legal at the federal level - particularly if Sessions ramps up prosecution - how about our old pal cocaine?  Any way we can tie that one in on a rider with some Congressional hackery?  I'm asking for a friend...


  1. We, the undersigned faculty members at Casablanca School of Law, are shocked, shocked, to learn that a scammer has been nominated to a high government position.

    1. If they were going to nominate a scamster, at least it should have been someone drawn from our ranks.