Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Houston, I mean South Texas, We Have a Problem

Remember how South Texas College of Law was trying to change its name to Houston College of Law and the University of Houston threw a legalistic fit and filed for an "injunction" (whatever the fuck that is)?

As it turns out, sometimes courts can actually give fairly quick relief (federal judiciary shortage, my ass - although they should increase hiring of qualified law graduates!) and the Houston College of Law has been ordered to change its name back to South Texas College of Law in spite of the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution and the First Law of Scam.  TaxProf has solid coverage and original sourcists like me can read the actual memorandum order here posted on UH's site in the fashion of exquisite braggarts. Good bedtime reading, particularly the following:
Finally,  the  Court  cannot  help  but  note  the  peculiar  context  of Defendant’s  contention that no irreparable harm will occur from their infringement.  Defendant insists that the findings of the Simpson Report were the impetus for its recent name change.  The Report found that “the most  frequently  mentioned  reason”  that  respondents  were  in  favor  of  a  name  change  was  that “‘South  Texas  College  of  Law’  is  often confused  with  other  schools,  particularly Texas Southern University.” It must be with a great sense of irony that Defendant now attempts to downplay the effects of the same type of affiliation confusion that prompted Defendant to spend
hundreds of thousands of dollars to rebrand itself.
In other words, the Court praised STCL's zealous advocacy abilities.

Crucially, the Court did not find that STCL intentionally sought to infringe and create market confusion.  This is curious, because it's fairly clear to myself and most other law school sycophants that STCL knew exactly what it was doing and angled themselves to have an excellent excuse for their behavior.  That the judiciary resisted putting such a conclusion in print is a testament to STCL's abilities as a law school.

NOW the problem is what the fuck do we name STCL?  As STCL observes "South Texas" doesn't mean Houston (though they could open a branch in McAllen or Laredo!!!) to everyone and there's market confusion with Texas Southern, the HBCU also located in Houston for some reason.

It's like they didn't have complete maps of Texas all those years ago.

SO, let's re-name STCL!

My initial suggestions:
  • Houston Texas College of Law 
  • Houston Summit College of Law
  • Houston Superlawyer Academy
  • Houston Rocket College of Law
  • Houston Astronomical College of Law
  • Houston Oil Law College, Brought to You By [insert company here]
  • Not the U. of Houston Law Center (parody account)
  • John Marshall Law College - Houston
  • Houston-[DONOR NAME HERE!] College of Law
  • Texas Gulf Coast College of Law
  • Southeast Texas College of Law
  • Rice University Law School (if phone call successful for once)
  • Rice College of Law ("No, no, we named it after Houston's history of rice consumption!")
  • Southwestern Law School
  • The Tom C. Clark College of Law - Houston
  • The Sam Houston College of Law
  • The John Adams College of Law
  • Big Texas Lawyer Academy of Houston
  • Houston Texas Ranger Law School
  • Baker Botts Entry Level Hiring Program
  • Apollo Legal Academy - Houston
  • Houston Permanent Assurance
  • Houston Justice Production Corporation
  • Houston Educational Inter-Generational Holdings Transfer System, LLC ("HEIGHTS Law School")
But of course democracy is en vogue everywhere except the American electoral system.  C.f. Trump, Donald, Whatever He's Saying Today, [Today's Date].  What are YOUR suggestions, legal scholar readership?


  1. Big Academy of Legal Laws (BALLs).

  2. Judge Small's Downtown Institute of Contracts (Small DICs)

  3. University of Texas Notataustin School Of Law.