Friday, September 4, 2015

When the Dollar Sign Flashes in the Night Sky...

You know how Batman has that giant light that flashes in the night when he's needed? You know, the one that must cost a fortune to power and trigger warnings about someone growing weed on the rooftop from the electric company?

Law professors have the same thing. Every time a malcontent airs nonsense in a too-public forum, the light flashes, and away they scurry to their keyboards like masked avengers in the night - the types of heroes Gotham deserves AND the one's Gotham's going to get come hell or high water...with tenure.

Steven Harper, a member of the rogues gallery, the law school's version of The Riddler, wrote an editorial to the New York Times about the typical blah blah blah blah blah...

The bat signal goes up...

And our heroes drive the SocraticMobile straight into harm's way. They're armed and ready with the fully utility belt of sophisticated rhetorical weaponry, where false equivalencies are like grappling hooks and red herrings are like smoke bombs.

First up, we have Texas A&M Professor Milan Markovic. He throws the JD Advantage:
Moreover, there are some desirable jobs that law school graduates perform that do not require a law degree.
The antitrust-when-it's-convenient argument:
[C]ollective action to limit enrollment further would likely run afoul of federal antitrust laws.
The past results guaranteeing future results investment theory:
[G]raduate school loans — and particularly those allocated to law students and medical students — have historically been very profitable.
With a finishing move advocating transparency as a "constraint" on law school enrollment*:
The American Bar Association’s approach of disseminating information about employment outcomes and requiring certain bar passage rates is likely to be a far more effective constraint on law school enrollment than student loan reform.
*Please ignore that part - it won't be a constraint at all, because when prospective law students see the real statistics about JDs attracting money like flies to a pig farm, they'll be signing up for MPNs so fast by gum the printer won't be able to keep up with the racetrack queue.

Markovic's letter was obviously a WHAM! to the villainy of Harper, but not to be outdone, Northeastern's Dean and Professor Jeremy Paul sent in his own SMASH!

What, you might ask, could Markovic possibly have overlooked that all but ends the arguments of "restrictionists" and makes NYT publication worthy?  He forgot the motherfucking poor people who need lawyers!
 Steven J. Harper unfairly assesses the number of American law students based on employment statistics rather than on the more salient fact that so many Americans cannot afford legal services. 
And the coup de grace:
Perhaps instead of painting with a broad accusatory brush, Mr. Harper should offer his own solutions for expanding legal services to all. That’s the valuable mission of the many law schools he castigates so cavalierly. 
Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world - I feel like I can't take it, like my heart is just going to cave in.

"The" valuable mission. Not "a" valuable mission.  "The."

It's truly admirable - most people, when their business is accused of exploitation in the New York Times, cower. Not our brave steelnutted soldiers.

Really, the world would be a far more efficient capitalist mojito-and-hors d'ouerves paradise if we could somehow get this dauntless law professor mindset into those running the globe's sweatshops and farmer her labor-intensive crops.

"What, you think we breed too many enslaved child laborers when we let half of them starve? Well, shit, dummy, we're trying to expand child labor serves to all, particularly the many Americans who cannot afford good child labor." 

Have a happy Labor Day, everyone...except the children in my factory; they're working overtime. Anything less would be an antitrust violation.

11 comments:

  1. I can only hope and pray that with efforts of the scamblogs and the likes of Harper, Thor's Hammer is coming for the law school cartel. They will find some way to weasel out because that is What Deans and LawProfs do, of course, but one good electrified smash would still do wonders.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Steven J. Harper unfairly assesses the number of American law students based on employment statistics rather than on the more salient fact that so many Americans cannot afford legal services.

    Unmet legal need is proving to be the last refuge of scoundrels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Closely related is the "Majesty of Law and Public Service" argument, where people in $200,000/yr sinecures tell law grads with $150k in loans to work for free because social justice demands it.

      On an ENTIRELY UNRELATED NOTE, here's a vid about a canal that was hand-dug by "rich peasants" arrested by Stalin for resisting farm collectivization:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0zzsJMkLqg

      Delete
  3. Brain "Maurice" LighterSeptember 4, 2015 at 8:21 AM

    "Stephen Diamond...he's the hero the law school scam deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a not-so-silent charlatan. A watchful prevaricator. A Dork Knight."

    ReplyDelete
  4. These people would make excellent defense attorneys: muddying the waters to cast doubt on the obvious guilt of their client. Unfortunately for them, when their law schools fail and they have to find new work, they will have to deal with their profligacy obliterating the criminal defense field.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If these people would've made excellent attorneys, they'd be doing that instead of teaching.

      Delete
    2. There's no money to be made there anymore, so they rake in the big bucks teaching. As for why they didn't go do that in the first place, I propose laziness as an explanation. Why work 70 hour weeks juggling numerous cases when you can work 6 hour weeks and pontificate on "Law and the Open Road"?

      Delete
  5. I need a Mercedes-Benz.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Perhaps instead of painting with a broad accusatory brush, Mr. Harper should offer his own solutions for expanding legal services to all. That’s the valuable mission of the many law schools he castigates so cavalierly.

    1. Cut off all Federal student lending to law schools.
    2. Amend bankruptcy code to allow private student loans to be dischargeable in bankruptcy after a 5-year period following graduation.
    3. Let people who want to be lawyers for the poor just spend a few grand on a bar review course and then take the bar.

    ReplyDelete
  7. If you are a law professor and really believe that there are unmet legal needs, then quit teaching law school and go meet those needs.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have a young relative who wants to attend one of these toilet law schools. He hasn't done any research on the legal profession, and seems to believe he will get rich as a lawyer. He reads John Grisham books and other novels about lawyers, and said having a law degree is crucial for his future "career in politics". He will have to take out student loans to attend. If I even politely suggest that he consider other career options, he gives me a dirty look and his mother tells me to mind my own business. I care about him and hate to see him waste three years of his life, go into debt, and come out jobless. But the fact is, he hasn't done any research into this career choice of lawyer, and neither have his parents.

    ReplyDelete