Saturday, September 19, 2015

The Nefarious Bar Exam Conspiracy Continues

From Bloomberg:
Performance on the bar exam has continued to slip, early results show.

The average score on the multiple-choice portion of the July test fell 1.6 points from the previous year, reaching its lowest level since 1988, according to data provided to Bloomberg by the National Conference of Bar Examiners.
And so it continues that our current law graduates - who are all clearly intelligent and hard-working - are not doing as well on the bar examination.

It's incredibly easy to continue blaming this on the student quality. Indeed, such a conclusion would be warranted by every existing piece of evidence such that it could probably withstand the scrutiny of proof beyond a reasonable doubt. And sure enough, Erica Moser, being all rational and shit, is quick to play that card:
"It was not unexpected," says Erica Moeser, the president of the NCBE, which creates the multiple choice part of the test. "We are in a period where we can expect to see some decline, until the market for going to law school improves."
One explanation of science-based thinking is coming up with a theory based on past observations and then seeing a predictable outcome result. Moser, whose office employs real psychometricians, is likely approaching the situation with that mindset.

But that's pernicious bullshit. Sure, you can have your simpleton scientific cause-and-effect explanations that make so much sense I can't believe I'm parodying the inevitable boo-hoo response that will come from the legal academy.

As lawyers, we know better. We know that there are things called conspiracies and if this isn't a giant big conspiracy designed to deprive worthy lawyers of their licenses, I'll eat my hat while having relations with a Victoria's Secret model.

Sure, law schools could be admitting less-able students.

But I'd personally rather believe that the NCBE has developed a multiyear conspiracy to deprive Americans access to justice in order to milk additional bar examination fees. I demand a full-scale audit of the last twenty administrators of the MBE so I can have a paid expert denounce the process.  Our law students are working too hard to have to wait an additional six months to practice due to our failure to educate them to the extent desired by the NCBE's conspirators.

But more importantly, we need to realize that the evil, greedy conspirators, working for a private entity with no transparency, are not likely to change. We're stuck with these assholes serving as the douchebag doormen at the premium club who never lets you in. Knowing that reality, what can we possibly do to exploit students further while passing it off as a necessary change for their own good in the face of troubling circumstances?

I say bar exam coursework for eight weeks just isn't enough.

We need to add a fourth year of law school.

I know, I know - that means we'll have to hire more faculty and that law schools will be bigger. But clearly, three years isn't enough to properly teach and train the current crop of law students. Three years is barely sufficient.

Adding a fourth year of law school that is nothing but bar examination preparation just might be what is needed to get these 148 LSATs over the top. It will be a setback for law schools to try and service an extra, expensive year of law school, but it will no doubt be worth it to better serve law students when we have such conniving bad faith scientists running the nation's bar exam programs.

You gotta do what ya gotta do.


  1. Nefarious and pastafarious! It's a conspiracy against life itself.

    Every child is a genius. Every student can become an international environmental sports attorney. Shame on those fake scientists for destroying so many dreams.

  2. "We need to add a fourth year of law school."

    That may be the funniest line I have read in the last 10 years. Excellent humor!

  3. No. The students are simply preparing for the wrong sorts of exam questions. We simply need to change the bar exam. Forget criminal law, domestic relations and torts. Instead, the bar exam should include sections on global sports law, cross-boarder environmental damages, and indigenous peoples' mineral rights.

    1. Don't forget International Space LGBT Rights IP Law!

  4. Dean Satan is in fine form, but might I make a suggestion? I know it sounds crazy, but how about another year of law school, PLUS a mandatory LLM in Bar Examination?

  5. I blame the infamous ExamSoft software glitch, not law school admissions practices, for the latest set of disappointing bar results. True, the glitch occurred last year, but obviously this year's bar exam takers experienced severe trauma from hearing about it, and this trauma prevented them from performing to the best of their outstanding abilities.

    1. You are talking about of course the ExamSoft Glitch of 2014 which due to its incalculable damages to future bar exam takers, really should have its own Wikipedia page.

    2. Well OBVIOUSLY the ExamSoft glitches are playing a part, and will for the next several years.

  6. Hey you know, this might sound a bit crazy, but how about if the students were actually taught by professors who had a bar license in the state in which they were teaching plus at least 5 years of practice? I know, I know, a bit unorthodox, but just a suggestion.

    1. That's crazy talk! You just don't understand the importance of legal scholarship, and you probably overvalue "getting a job" and "making enough to afford Ramen". If anything, the legal academy should detach itself even further from the practice of law, and should start hiring professors of 17th century Bulgarian poetry to teach contract law.

    2. I can see where you are coming from, 9:20 AM, but further reflection will only indicate the obvious truth: Law School is not a merely vocational end for filthy lucre, but a life-long introspective study. Pedagogy before Practicality, I always say.

      The high debt ensures that it remains a life-long introspective study, as evidenced by the practicing attorneys who contribute to the scam blog sites.

    3. Ramen? Ramen? What entitled ingrates these Millennials are!

      Why, back in my day, we subsisted off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a side of caviar. Ramen, pssh. Pah. If they only knew how hard I had it before being handed this job!

    4. And at our dining club at the university, the bouillabaisse was frequently served at room temperature. Cold even, sometimes.

  7. Oh where O' where are the left, middle and right defenders of the ONE-OFF bad bar passage rate theory now????????

    It's a good thing there are not actually any minimum bar passage rate rules for law schools or they'd all be in trouble!

    P.S. In the spirit of really giving up, Trump 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!