It's been a trend lately for law schools to find a new identity, like when Snoop Doggy Dog became Snoop Dogg became Snoop Lion, or when Jefferson Airplane got a hyperdrive and became Jefferson Starship. With each iteration, better and better.
Phoenix School of Law became Arizona Summit
Thomas Cooley Law School became Western Michigan Cooley Law School
Earle Mack School of Law became Thomas Kline School of Law
More prestige, more glory, more life of luxury and splendor. Like a new haircut or pair of sneakers, they all look hotter and way more worthy of reaping the harvest of student loans.
Now Widener might be joining the club!!! Don't get me wrong, the name "Widener" has evoked the most estimable virtues of the bar for some time now, and their employment rate is easily the best in Delaware for said campus. But a new coat of paint never reduced the resale price.
Let's help out that marketing firm, shall we?
Versatile Bi-State School of Law*
John Marshall College of Law
Ronald Reagan School of Law
Prestige Law School
Advantage School of Law
Excelsior School of Law
Money Law School
Didn't I do this same list when Phoenix changed its name?
Elle Woods Law School
Olivia Pope School of Law
Suits Legal Academy
New Crap Law Show College of Law
Any better ideas? Most of my readership are dumb attorneys, so please feel free to ask more creative folks, like the co-workers of those of you who got JD-advantage gigs at marketing firms and in entertainment compliance.
*I realize the name change is designed to help the campuses splitting into two awesome law schools, but why not tip a cap to the school's legacy?
Narrowener Law School
ReplyDeleteSallie Mae School of Doc Review.
ReplyDeletelol
DeleteDon't pull any punches.
Charles Ponzi Center for Legal Education
ReplyDeleteAnother brilliant post, a masterpiece of the satirical art.
ReplyDeleteHow could anyone possibly invent a better name than "Suits Legal Academy?"
Again I ask, how?
Elle Woods is pure gold. Trademark this ASAFP. Advertise on LSLemmings
DeleteHow about "LA Law Law School." That way it doesn't have to be in LA.
ReplyDeleteI bet some parents would go for that.
They could build some new dorms (with borrowed money, of course) and rename one of their outlets the Waldorf-Astoria School of Law.
ReplyDeleteConsidering how precarious their situation is, they could call the other outlet the Versailles Law Center.
Don't be so mercenary as to think about branding. How could you possibly think money is involved? These are public interest institutions we're talking about, educating future officers of the various courts of our great nation. Sometimes I wonder about you, LSTC.
ReplyDeleteLet's just go generic and call them "Elite Law School-Wilmington" and "Elite Law School-Harrisburg."
My idea:
ReplyDelete"Holy Shitfuck! It's Worth Taking Out a Shitload of Loans to Attend This Law School School of Law"
And yes, the exclamation point after 'shitfuck' is part of the name - don't laugh. After all, andre pond cummings got quite a name for doing something similarly cutesy and unique, all you boring people!
I showed a high school student Andre's website, complete with hip-hop soundtrack, and he thinks Andre is bomb!
Delete"Widener Horizons Law School"
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the New Identity Club, I've been thinking for years of changing my name. (No joke here, losers often make fun of my name, especially losers with funny names.)
ReplyDeleteI came up with a full name with about 40 parts, roughly 30 given names and 10 family names. Do you think I could get a judge to sign off on this? I didn't use any weird names like Adolf or Napoleon.
"Ben Barros School of Law Jobs That Are A-Comin' Around the Mountain"
ReplyDeleteThe Brian Leiter School of Law.
ReplyDelete1. The Brian Leiter School of Law will rank high in any ranking run by Brian Leiter.
2. If alumni use the social media to complain about the education or employment outcomes. Brian will silence them with demented emails and defamation threats
3. No doubt that "Peter Aduren" will be willing to fund a Brian Leiter School of Law Center for Cyberstudies.
Who is this Brian Leiter, and why do people talk about him so much?
DeleteWait...is this the same Brian Leiter who was recently denounced by 500 philosophy professors for threatening a woman who, without mentioning him by name, promised to uphold basic standards of decency and civility among philosophers?
Thomas Jefferson School of Law - East
ReplyDeleteEast Coast Pop Art Experimental Law School.
ReplyDeleteSplitting the law school from the main campus sounds like the first step to shutting down the Harrisburg campus. Ben Barros, who frequently claims things are looking up for law school grads, is a dean there and would be out of job. Will be interesting to see how he fairs on the job market.
ReplyDeletePennsylvania Outstanding Opportunities Program (Poop).
ReplyDeleteTax-Free Shopping School of Law
ReplyDeleteJerry Sandusky Law School?
ReplyDeleteLaw Degrees R Us
ReplyDeleteSeemingly Important | Vertical Lines | College of Law.
ReplyDelete