Thursday, February 13, 2014

Faster, Pussycat, Kill Kill This Stupid Bill

H.R. 3892 is an arsenic-laced diarrhea bomb waiting to explode in the mouth's of America's fiscally-solvent precious babies.  Don't let this disaster happen, God:

Look at this nonsense!
Section 523(a) of title 11 of the United States Code is amended--
            (1) by striking paragraph (8)
No, you fools!  That's...that's...bankruptcy!
Any delinquent nontax debt owed by an individual to the
Department of Education under a program administered by the Secretary
of Education under title IV of the Higher Education Act of 1965 (20
U.S.C. 1070 et seq.) shall not be subject to collection under this
section through garnishment of disposable pay of the individual...
How do you make orange juice without squeezing?!
No evidence of an individual's default on the repayment of a loan
made, insured, or guaranteed under title IV of the Higher Education Act
of 1965 (20 U.S.C. 1070 et seq.) may be admitted into evidence in a
Federal or State proceeding involving the individual's professional or
vocational license.
Make it stop!  Please, dear God, make it stop!  You want to licensed debtors to work?!

There's other horribles, too, like... (hide the children!) a 6-year statute of limitations and a prohibition against colleges withholding transcripts.

Let me give you a list of why these are bad ideas.

1.  I know people who bought all sorts of frivolous things with their student loan money.  Like this one dude bought a TV!  A WHOLE TV!  And this other dude went on some "study abroad" trip to Spain.  And this other dude used his student loans to make car payments.  When I went to school, I had a bicycle, and it worked swell.

2.  Student loan debt is NOT SECURED.  That means that unlike your house or car, there's nothing that the creditor can take when the deadbeat can't pay back the full amount plus interest.  That means it should be treated differently.  You can't give back an education.  You can't unlearn the skills you learned.  Your mind is forever enriched.

3.  Student loan debtors had a long reputation of going to school and then BOOM filing for a discharge the second after graduation prior to the debts becoming nondischargable.  Now that tuition has gone way up, there's no doubt student loans would basically turn into gifts where students just wipe out $200k with a gleeful snap of a very greedy finger.  I know this is a true and accurate fact because I'm saying it.

4.  When I was repaying my loans, I ate ramen every night, lived in a broom closet at a YMCA, and didn't spend a dime on luxuries like pants, electric bills, or contraceptives.  You're paying your loans back, fuckwad.

5.  In many places, they don't even HAVE bankruptcy, and they do just fine.

6.  What ever happened to PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY?  If you can't pay back the debt, don't go to the school!  Do some research and figure out exactly what you'll be making in due time and the feasibility of paying back the debt you took out.  It is IMMORAL to forgive debt.






  1. ... And this is why we can't have nice things!

  2. Honestly, I don't see this ever happening. I do think it would need to happen, but I just didn't see it. So I pretty much did #4 and yeah it did suck.

    Maybe it will ultimately happen, because I tend to have the worst luck in the world, so it would be par for the course of my life that after struggling for a large chunk of the prime of my life, the loans get wiped out and I wasted my effort.

  3. Understand your burden will not be over until you are underground. Ponder, discuss.

  4. I'm confused? I thought you were a scam loyalist? This will expand the scam by legions. Kudos to the scam deans and their lobbying skills, and to those struggling universities seeking to raise the uneducated masses from the tyranny of an unenlightened mind

  5. When in the FUCK is our central bank going to buy my goddamn debt?? I WANT A BAILOUT! Monetize ME. Debt-restructuring! No haircuts! I want those tens of thousands of dollars financed out 200 years! I want my children's children sobbing over them in bitter sweet remembrance of me and how hard I fucked their futures, in what is now a tradition as American as baseball and apple pie. This is the American dream. I demand my share of the American dream!! I demand a spot at the base of a new pyramid!