Monday, November 4, 2013

Introducing Arizona Summit Law School

Phoenix School of Law has changed its name to Arizona Summit Law School.  ASLS.  That's an L-shaped accident in the middle of the ASS.  What a startling coincidence.

Why change the name?  Is it because they realized after eight years that certain idiot 0Ls confused PSOL with U. of Phoenix given the remarkably similar names?  Is it because they want to erase negative associations with the school?  Is it because they want to create market confusion with ASU and Arizona?  Get the patented US News name-change boost in a down year?

Oh, no.  They wanted to highlight the pursuits of excellence the school's students embark on.  Duh:
The new name highlights the ambition and drive of the students, faculty and staff at Arizona Summit Law School, collaborating to accomplish more, and ascend toward their personal "Summit." This concept exemplifies the school's mission of delivering student outcomes, preparing graduates for successful careers and improving diversity within the legal community.
Did you know that law faculty members were motherfuckin' sherpas?  I didn't either.  That's the type of versatility that comes with a proper JD.  Student outcomes delivered.

Arizona Summit:  because finding a job after attending here is an uphill battle.

Arizona Summit:  because the debt you leave with will be mountainous.

Arizona Summit:  WARNING:  WATCH FOR FALLING CAREERS.

Tommy read Palsgraf, like a kid out in the rain
Then he lost his mind in Phoenix, and his dreams went down the drain,
They were all in love with dyin', they were drinking from debt fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche, coming down the mountain

This blissfully splendid exercise in irony was thought up by Off Madison Avenue and Landor Associates.  Yes, it took two firms to come up with such a perfect name for a law school that's like a stalwart rock that its graduates wear as they swim into the ocean of the legal profession.

What if you climb up a mountain and realize too late it's a volcano?

Costs almost as much as climbing Mount Everest.

I could do this all day.  The main idea, though, is that if you go here, you will someday be at the top of a mountain of some kind, which will give you great personal enjoyment and satisfaction as you peer down on the minions below and laugh in contempt at low-hanging clouds.  So sign up, now.  The summit isn't going to climb itself.

15 comments:

  1. Why such conceptual subtlety and restraint? The 140 LSAT crowd may not be sufficiently acute to appreciate that "summit" implies ascent to "successful careers" and such. The school should have called itself the Arizona Stellar Law School. Or Arizona Awesome Law School. Or Arizona Ecstasy. Arizona Potent. Arizona Fortune. Arizona Supreme. Arizona Miracle.

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    Replies
    1. Arizona Prestigious School of Law. Done.

      I like Arizona Ecstasy, Too. Most of these sound as much like marijuana varietals than law schools, and that's not a bad thing.

      Delete

    2. Arizona Paradise...
      Arizona Advantage...
      Arizona Freedom...

      Delete
  2. "This concept exemplifies the school's mission of .......improving diversity within the legal community."

    I suppose by "improving diversity" they mean diversity of LSAT scores and GPAs.

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    Replies
    1. Yup, that's the idea.

      Score-deficient students tend not to ask tough questions about tuition rates, debt repayment, and job outcomes. It's an entire underserved community to which Arizona Summit is reaching out.

      Delete
  3. Arizona $ummiTTTT Law Sewer, "where your law school experience will be the peak of your legal career."

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  4. Good reporting and great comments. I'm quite happy to be a friend of this site.

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  5. Might as well call it "Arizona Acme Apex Law School for Wiley Coyotes."

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  6. Ever seen them compare their own JD factory to Whittier, TMC, and even the other InfiScam traps? They can prove they have the best job figures in that tier.
    So why not enjoy it? Why not be proud? Why not the best for our graduates?

    Arizona Summit...the kind of students they attract are going to appreciate their fresh, vigorous, ambitious new name. Don't be surprised if they raise tuition to cash in on their newfound prestige.

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  7. By the way, I don't begrudge them a chance to differentiate their enterprise from the University of Phoenix. I knew a guy who got a degree in "human services" from Phoenix. His wife, who has a job, is making the payments on his degree. He's now some sort of wiccan minister...without a congregation, of course. Any ABA-accredited graduate, even from Arizona Summit, is a genius compared to this guy.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. All private schools are waste of money. Its very stupid to pay over $200k to get a law degree. Its like buying degree and name.

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