The Diverse Slaughterhouse

The good news about law school's appeal being more selective is that it has cleared the way for minorities to get their place.  It's just like when whites fled out of parts of Cleveland and Detroit and Chicago!  Cue Penn State's Assistant Dean of  Career Services Tameesha Keel:

[A]ttorneys within the American legal profession do not adequately reflect the diversity of the current population. The legal profession severely lags behind other professions when it comes to diversity and inclusion, which is ironic considering the nature of the profession.

It is ironic, isn't it?

But don't worry, this irony is getting corrected!

The good news is that minority students are applying and being accepted into law schools more than ever before.

Worship the Rainbow!  But like Keel states, it isn't enough to simply enroll students.  Schools must also invest in diversity with educational programs and shit.  It's not enough for these kids to be black and red and yellow.  They have to be reminded about it in post-tertiary educational settings.  I'm guessing such programs should account for two, three maybe, tenured professorships.  I bet Dre Cummings would make a good consultant on these issues.

[Diversity] translates into better lawyers with deeper understanding of the profession's global realities, more capabilities in representing a diverse client base, and heightened cultural intelligence - skills that are absent without multicultural experiences.

None of my elementary school, middle school, high school, undergraduate institution, or law school had a single minority; not even a random strain of Lakota in a white bread, picket-fenced classmate.  Having also never read a book or connected to the internet, I was a multicultural virgin.  Still, I had this cynical belief that we were all fucked, basejumping down a chasm of cultural and moral entropy with no parachute until we were left with nothing but gritty bits of institutionalized misanthropy and epicurean capitalism.  Then, I took a random field trip to Los Angeles and realized that I was wrong.  We were flying much faster than the speed of gravity, and doing it on crack-cocaine.

Don't mistake me, though; I'm not being ironic.  It's awesome that law schools are enrolling more minorities, regardless of what caused it.

Imagine a slaughterhouse.  Let's call it Dickinson Farms.  For years, Dickinson has been almost exclusively been buying prime Hereford cattle.  Due to some unsavory, yellow-journalism news articles ("50% of subsidized beef winds up in dumpsters"), the fortunes of the beef industry look significantly worse; ranchers find other areas to sell their best Herefords.

Left with a severe shortage in higher-rated stock, the slaughterhouses turn to purchasing more Black Angus than they had in previous years (for whatever reason, Herefords generally are rated higher than Black Angus, and ratings mean everything).  Obviously, they would rather have the higher-rated Herefords.

But is this a bad sign for the slaughterhouse?  Fuck no; they're diversifying your foodie palette.  Remember?  That was their mission all along.  Not to make money.  Not to ensure the conveyor belt is full of carcases.  But to make sure your collective sense of justice taste is fulfilled.  In fact, they should go further and install new equipment to better extract the flavors of Black Angus.  It's a different breed entirely; you can't just use the same program and expect the lady's mouth to water the same way when she chews her filet mignon.

You might say "it's all just beef," but sir or madam, you need to have yourself a multisubspecies experience so you can appreciate a real cheeseburger when one is presented to you. 

Likewise, when the abattoirs of the American legal academy begin pushing out more properly-processed minority students, sweet justice is going to taste a hell of a lot better.