Dean Satan Q&A: Akron-y Capitalism

Q:  Yo, Supreme Law Prof of Darkness, love the new feature.  What do you think of the University of Akron dumping $21 Mil into remodeling its law school?  The school stockpiled $9M from tuition hikes over the last decade and bilked another $5M from the state of Ohio.  Enrollment is up 49 students from last year to a meaty 473.  I think it's great, but some other lawyer - probably one of the very few alcoholic narcissistic shitbirds that sneaks into the profession given our generous entry requirements and the promise of fortune and fame - told me the school only had a 44% employment score (da fuq?) and that Akron is a rust belt dumpster fire with no need for its own law school.  What's wrong with these dust-licking dorks? 

- Can't-Lose in Canton

A:  The greatest basketball player in the world, Lebron James, is from Akron, Ohio.  I'm now going to cut and paste his stats as a way to fill space:

Year	Team	GP	GS	MPG	FG%	3P%	FT%	RPG	APG	SPG	BPG	PPG
2003–04	Cleveland	79	79	39.5	.417	.290	.754	5.5	5.9	1.6	.7	20.9
2004–05	Cleveland	80	80	42.4*	.472	.351	.750	7.4	7.2	2.2	.7	27.2
2005–06	Cleveland	79	79	42.5	.480	.335	.738	7.0	6.6	1.6	.8	31.4
2006–07	Cleveland	78	78	40.9	.476	.319	.698	6.7	6.0	1.6	.7	27.3
2007–08	Cleveland	75	74	40.4	.484	.315	.712	7.9	7.2	1.8	1.1	30.0*
2008–09	Cleveland	81	81	37.7	.489	.344	.780	7.6	7.2	1.7	1.1	28.4
2009–10	Cleveland	76	76	39.0	.503	.333	.767	7.3	8.6	1.6	1.0	29.7
2010–11	Miami	79	79	38.8	.510	.330	.759	7.5	7.0	1.6	.6	26.7
2011–12†	Miami	62	62	37.5	.531	.362	.771	7.9	6.2	1.9	.8	27.1
2012–13†	Miami	76	76	37.9	.565	.406	.753	8.0	7.3	1.7	.9	26.8
2013–14	Miami	77	77	37.7	.567	.379	.750	6.9	6.4	1.6	.3	27.1
2014–15	Cleveland	69	69	36.1	.488	.354	.710	6.0	7.4	1.6	.7	25.3
2015–16†	Cleveland	76	76	35.6	.520	.309	.731	7.4	6.8	1.4	.6	25.3
2016–17	Cleveland	74	74	37.8*	.548	.363	.674	8.6	8.7	1.2	.6	26.4
Career		1,061	1,060	38.9	.501	.342	.740	7.3	7.0	1.6	.8	27.1

That, my dear readers, is some kick-ass dominance, and that's only the regular season.  His playoff numbers are even better:

Year	Team	GP	GS	MPG	FG%	3P%	FT%	RPG	APG	SPG	BPG	PPG
2006	Cleveland	13	13	46.5	.476	.333	.737	8.1	5.8	1.4	.7	30.8
2007	Cleveland	20	20	44.7	.416	.280	.755	8.1	8.0	1.7	.5	25.1
2008	Cleveland	13	13	42.5	.411	.257	.731	7.8	7.6	1.8	1.3	28.2
2009	Cleveland	14	14	41.4	.510	.333	.749	9.1	7.3	1.6	.9	35.3
2010	Cleveland	11	11	41.8	.502	.400	.733	9.3	7.6	1.7	1.8	29.1
2011	Miami	21	21	43.9	.466	.353	.763	8.4	5.9	1.7	1.2	23.7
2012†	Miami	23	23	42.7	.500	.259	.739	9.7	5.6	1.9	.7	30.3
2013†	Miami	23	23	41.7	.491	.375	.777	8.4	6.6	1.8	.8	25.9
2014	Miami	20	20	38.2	.565	.407	.806	7.1	4.8	1.9	.6	27.4
2015	Cleveland	20	20	42.2	.417	.227	.731	11.3	8.5	1.7	1.1	30.1
2016†	Cleveland	21	21	39.1	.525	.340	.661	9.5	7.6	2.3	1.3	26.3
2017	Cleveland	18	18	41.3	.565	.411	.698	9.1	7.8	1.9	1.3	32.8
Career		217	217	42.1	.485	.330	.742	8.9	6.9	1.8	1.0	28.4

How can you deny this man's awesome power?

Yet some people claim the University of Akron shouldn't spend hard-earned cash to improve itself?  What if Akron produces a Lebron James of the law?  Paul Clement was born in a town of 6,000.  Clarence Darrow is from a super-small Ohio town not terribly far from Akron.

You want to deny them a local place to go to law school?  You don't think it's worth a measly $21M to ensure their teachers have a decent lounge and there's a mock courtroom worthy of the term?

At 150 graduates a year, the anticipated lifetime premium for the class is $150M.  Ten years' worth of graduates is a $1.5B.  If just 1% of those earnings are donated back to the school, it's $15M.  Tax revenue to the state will pay back that $5M with ludicrous, mouth-watering interest.

Can't Lose - and you can't - I'm frankly growing quite tired of our nation's petulant attitude towards public education.  Men like me gave up lucrative salaries to make slightly less lucrative salaries educating tomorrow's leaders.  Akron fills the Ohio Bar with top-shelf material.  We must support such ventures, and if that means dumping $21M for new windows and a coat of paint, we should dump $50M, or else we run the severe risk of seeing the would-be Lebrons of the world taking their talents to other fields.

Scam on, Ohio.