Merry Christmas, You Barely Successful Non-Victims

As the Gospel of Mark says, blessed if you do; blessed if you don't. 

The Trump Administration hasn't just brought back Merry Christmas.  They've also undercut core principles of basic fraud jurisprudence dating back years with breathlessly under-cooked rationale.  Aunt Betsy isn't just giving you a half-knit scarf this year!

DeVos said under the new standards, forgiveness will now be tied to students’ income as a way of measuring whether they did enjoy some benefit from their educations—even if they were deceived about the worth of their diplomas.
...
The DOE said students who currently earn less than half the income of their peers from a "passing gainful employment program" will get full relief. Those earning half as much or more than students who completed similar schooling, however, will get "proportionally tiered relief.” According to the government table released Wednesday, an affected student making 70 percent of a peer's income would get just 30 percent loan relief.

While this delightfully asinine and senselessly puerile policy appears to apply only to Corinthian College students, why wouldn't it apply to so-called "victims" of for-profit - or for-profit non-profit - law schools?

As an example, using these tables, let's say you, Skippy, graduate from Charlotte Law and get a job as a public defender in Appalachia making $49k/year.  You owe $250k.  The "peers" are deemed to make like $70k/year - which is artificially low, as we all know, but the government low-balls these things. Despite being gainfully employed in a prestigious position, you are going to get a THIRTY PERCENT DISCOUNT! on your loans.

Your $250k loan just shrank to $175k.  At 6.8% interest, you'll owe only $1,140.87 per month on a 30-year repayment plan with your lush public defender salary.  Makin' America Great Again, indeed!

If there's one thing that's true about federal government policies, it's that they really work their best when they encourage beneficiaries to sandbag by redefining core concepts.  It's been true forever that no one who succeeds in life has been defrauded; we just needed Betsy Devos to deliver us the Good News, so come ye faithful, the herald angel's singing, they have opened heaven's door and we are blest forevermore.

Merry Christmas, you chestnut-crusted yule logs.

Making Law School Great(er) Again

This one's behind a pay wall - and I prefer to donate money to legal education and/or pay student loans to helping what is otherwise fake news - but like an iceberg, the visible stuff's pretty enough:

After years of plummeting enrollment and hand-wringing over the value of a law degree, interest in law school is starting to rebound. The number of people applying to law school for next fall is up nearly 12% compared with the same period a year earlier, and around 14% more applications have been submitted, according to the Law School Admission Council.

The title hints that politics has triggered a new wave of snowflakes to study law.  As we all know, the supple droids that graduate law school in 2021 will have the tools and authority to correct the political problems of 2016.  They just will.

Why didn't we think of this sooner?

For years, legal academics have marched in lock-step with hippies, lesbians, and socialists, taking far-flung progressive positions to form a vital part of the mythical intellectual vanguard.  That stereotype surely attracted a certain number of like-minded students (members of Antifa, you know), but not nearly enough recently to make up for the slanderous national conspiracy against premium lawyering and keep several schools from closing.

Instead, law professors should have gone full-hilt theocratic libertarian alt-right Nazi.  Millenials, it seems, are more motivated by Twitter-fueled disgruntlement than the promise of untold riches.  Demented weirdos, sure, but indubitably exploitable.

In the ignorant Obama years, no one had yet learned that the only way to keep America from descending into hyperbolic fascism is to send our youth to study West Coast Hotel v. Parrish.  The biggest advertisement for law school isn't becoming a skilled professional making easy money.  It's stoking the illusion of needed reform by letting the nation be run by barely competent alt-right goons for a few years.

It's one thing if you try telling students that motions in limine are important for parties to keep out problematic evidence.  Yawn.

Instead, why don't you nominate a lifetime federal judge who doesn't know what a motion in limine is?  That will outrage the little fuckers, plus everyone will think there's a shortage of trained experts who know what these complex and incredibly rare motions are.  Now we need a Jedi army of thousands to learn about pre-trial motion practice and strike back.

12-14% is a good start, but we can do better.  25%?  50%?  Let's make America great again by getting our law school output back to 2005.

#MeToo: The Prosper Act

I've been touched inappropriately and it's called the Prosper Act.

 $28,500.

$28,500?

How the holy fuck can we profit mightily shilling these little shitbags for a measly $28,500?  It costs like $25k just to live in New York with three roommates and a sugar daddy.  Where's St. Johns' and NYLS' cut? 

You know how much money it costs to run a law school?  It's really not much, but it's at least $50k a head for reasonable expenses, particularly with this newer technology the kids demand like white boards and digital projectors. Plus the legal education sector has to compete with the Cravaths and Sullivans of the world for staff.

If these assholes actually kept up with the economic literature instead of the fake news, they would know that every year of legal education yields a lifetime earings premium of $333,333.33.  Minimum.  That's not just phony, mythical money some economic scholars and law school sycophants pulled out of their asses.  It's totally real money in a totally real economy once you get past Marven Gardens.

You think with that sort of premium these butt monkeys can't pay back a meager $75k loan at 7%?  That's easy passive income for Uncle Sam.

With limiting it to $28,500, they're not just morons in Washington D.C., they're abusive.  I'm not going to analogize to a specific sexual predator because that would be somewhat offensive, but I know some law deans would much rather have a dude jack off in their face than be limited to only $28,500 in loans.   About 195 or so.

Cardozo Accepts GRE to Get In on Bitcoin Law Bubble

Pinch me, baby, it's Bitcoin law. 

Not to be outdone by its metropolitan peers, Cardozo will also be accepting the GRE in addition to, or instead of, the LSAT.

Cardozo gets double points for connecting this move to red-hot Bitcoin law, one of the hottest new trends in legal services.

“We are on the cutting edge of law and technology with expanded programs in bitcoin, cybersecurity, data law and more,” said Dean Melanie Leslie. “The opportunity to accept both the GRE and the LSAT could not come at a better time for applicants and for Cardozo.”

I'd say.   Bitcoin prices have created millionaires all over the place.  They've got to put that new easy money somewhere, and why not into extremely niche, fad boutique law practices, to wit: Bitcoin law?

It's just like the space law rush of a few years ago.  1998 we didn't have space law.  Now we've got space lawyers from Poughkeepsie to Monterey Bay ready for the Mars invasion and disputes over asteroid mining trusts.

Now it's Bitcoin law. Bitcoin needs lots of lawyers ready to tackle its problems.  It's international.  Computer-y.  Financial.  People are going to want to know how to use Bitcoin as collateral, pass Bitcoins to their next of kin, and use Bitcoins to decorate the lavatory.

Cardozo's way ahead of the curve on this one.  Accepting the GRE means you'll pull in all those genius-mopes, would-be scientists and economists, who can't be bothered to take the proper test.  Because, you know, lots of people unwilling to spend three figures and a spare Saturday are willing to spend three years and six figures growing older and fatter, but super-wiser with a more refined liver.

Just think.  In the fall of 2015 if you'd invested $150,000 in Bitcoin it would now be worth over $4 million even after the recent pull-back.  But if you'd invested it in Bitcoin law, you'd be positioned in a few months to be the leading Bitcoin lawyer in America, which is worth way more than $4 million.

Bitcoin law!  Tell me Bitcoin law is a search term.  It's it not, Bitcoin law should be.

By accepting the GRE, Cardozo is taking a splendid step towards not discriminating against those people simply because they don't have a second free Saturday for some ludicrous standardized test, particularly one so discriminatory against the lawyers of tomorrow.  His Honor would be proud.

Brooklyn to Accept GRE

Brooklyn Law School is now going to accept the GRE.

Let's cut through the propaganda, the convoluted weeds, the honeyed bullshit, and go to Nick Allard, a straight-talk dean so intimate with the unprotected truth that he ought to get tested (thankfully there's multiple good tests!).

"The decision to accept the GRE in addition to the LSAT for application to our Law School is yet another way we are seeking to attract talented students from diverse education and career backgrounds—including in the sciences, engineering, medicine, and technology—who wish to pursue legal education," said Allard. "As we prepare the next generation of lawyers for a rapidly changing marketplace, the way in which we attract and comprehensively evaluate our prospective law students must change as well. The GRE will give us another objective measure that is widely used in graduate education by which we can assess an applicant's potential to succeed in both law school and professionally."

The LSTC will now host a question and answer session.

Question:  Doesn't the phrase "another objective measure" cause an alarm to go off?  What was wrong with the first objective measure?  Is this just another way to shoe-horn more people over a minimum?
LSTC:  No.

Question:  If the GRE can actually gauge the potential to succeed professionally post-law degree, why wasn't it used years ago?
LSTC:  Young lawyers would have less debt if they all lived in vans.

Question:  What kind of a law dean quoted in a press release uses four prepositional phrases in a row that are completely superfluous to the meaning of the sentence and should just be omitted?
LSTC:  Nick Allard was named as a SuperLawyer in Washington D.C. for 2012-2015.

Question:  Are science nerds unable to take - or do well - on the LSAT?
 LSTC:  Probably not, as they obviously would do well in law school but cannot even complete the LSAT application, much less show up at the test site.

Question:  What in the world does accepting the GRE have to do with meeting the demands of a changing marketplace save maybe the hollow, cynical market for prospective students?
LSTC:  That's it, this press conference is over.  Scam on.

Dayton Flying A Bit Lower Than High

Dayton students aren't passing the bar exam like they should be, hysterical news report says.

A Dayton Daily News analysis of a decade’s worth of bar exam data shows UD’s passage rate has declined by 29 percent among all test takers and first-time test takers since 2008 when the school had an 87 percent passage rate. 

Hard-hitting analysis getting out a calculator and all.  How about you make the bar exam easier so you don't choke out southern Ohio's supply of attorneys?

Ohio Northern University was the only law school in Ohio where the bar passage rate has changed as much as UD’s over the past decade, dropping 9 points.

The conspiracy strikes more than one school, eh?  Looks like it's not just Dayton's problem.  Make the bar exam easier!

UD’s passage rate has prompted its law school to roll out new programs and offerings to remain competitive...

Wasted resources if you're just going to admit the suckers anyway.  Make the bar exam easier!

Students pay $35,619 in tuition plus additional fees each year to attend UD’s law school. That is the third-highest cost for Ohio law schools; students at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland pay $50,666 a year.

Around 83 percent of people enrolled at UD’s law school receive some form of financial assistance from the school.

Jesus, a $15k discount off book value plus generous scholarships and you're STILL breaking these kids' balls over the bar exam?  Say it with me, now...

“We work really hard to try to make it affordable to people,” Strauss said. “We understand that (bar passage) is a big issue and we are totally committed to turning this around.”

Right...or you could just MAKE THE BAR EXAM EASIER and get rid of making law schools internalize their own students' problems.  What's Dayton got to "turn around?"  It's been educating Dayton's lawyer's for decades at a low cost.  The trajectory is still up.  In the zeitgeist of Trump's America, let's stop letting pesky government regulations get in the way.

Let Dayton fly higher.  Get it a hit of crack by making the bar exam easier.

A Thomas Cooley Thanksgiving

The Western Michigan University Thomas M. Cooley Euphoric School of Law has filed a lawsuit and for a Temporary Restraining Order against the American Bar Association.

The lawsuit alleges "that a letter made public about the school’s accreditation compliance violates the Higher Education Act and common law due process."  The TRO requests that "the ABA be restrained from publishing or dispersing the letter."

In both the lawsuit and the TRO motion, thankfully posted by the ABA Journal despite purporting to bitch-slap the ABA, Cooley's lawyers have redacted pertinent information.  Apparently in reckless disregard to the relentless damage its hurtful, libelous correspondence causes, the ABA has posted the letter from the article above. 

ABA:  Always Brazen.  Always.

I could get into the legal details of this tete-a-tete, but why bother?

We're coming off of Thanksgiving weekend, that hallowed time of year when we see those relatives at the intersection of convenience and likability, where we sit around a table, get food-drunk, and tell our second-favorite cousins, nieces, and nephews that yes, law school is still a great idea.

Did you do your duty this year, to God and your country?  To justice?  To your bloodline?  To your future need for a divorce lawyer?

The Western Michigan University Thomas M. Cooley Traveling All-Stars and Motor-Kings School of Law sure did.

Did this letter-publishing situation call for litigation?  It's correspondence from an accrediting organization that may be disclosable under open government laws.  It was relatively obscure, doesn't really say anything that anyone who researches legal education wouldn't already know, and let's face it - your average Cooley applicant will likely need a semester of top-notch legal education to comprehend it.

But why miss a good opportunity to employ the fine lawyers at Miller Canfield?  A good law school talks the talk.  Cooley?  It litigates the litigation. 

What better example to its students and applicants that this law school is as good as pumpkin pie than to file a completely pointless lawsuit six weeks before the end of the year?  Wisdom, and beneficence to whatever associate got to pad hours on redacting things that are already public.

I normally don't take sides in an ABA vs. law school grudge match, but I relish good sport for what it is.  And besides, much like that whole settlers vs. natives kerfuffle, the holidays are when we set aside our differences and commune together in good faith.  And remember: if there's still leftovers in the fridge, there's still time to text your cousin that law school is a great idea!

Alabama Pride

The football teams are good, but the lawyers?  They're even better, thanks to some excellent law schools in Alabama.

Roy Moore has been in the national news lately for trying to court women because, you know, 2017 is such a whack, perverse, ahistorical year we've now entirely repudiated the time-honored dating technique of harassing teen girls at 2nd rate malls

Moore himself went to the state's flagship law school, the U. of Alabama.  Despite being an apparently mediocre student, losing multiple elections, having multiple bar complaints against him, and switching party affiliations in 1992, Moore was appointed a circuit court judge in 1992.  Eight years later, despite the ACLU trying to stop him, he won election to the Alabama Supreme Court.  Cruel happenstance removed him from the high court, but in 2012, he did the unthinkable and won a second election to the court.  Now, he is poised to do what many lawyers seek by using his legal knowledge to help transition to the non-legal sector.

Imagine the swelling pride at the University of Alabama, having, 40-some years ago, put this young pioneer on the path to success!  It stirs the mind to glorious wonder:  what new arrivals to today's law schools will be tomorrow's Roy Moores, navigating the perilous rapids and thick forests of oppression to national prominence?  Those of you wanting to snuff out sub-150 LSATs or placing other undue restrictions on today's enrollees...what if you are barring the next Roy Moore from being barred?

Imagine the glorious power of rubber-stamping "YES" on applications!  Of knowing that you're securing a bright future, not only for America, but for teen girls looking for lawyer husbands!

And whom did this SuperLawyer hire when HE himself needed a lawyer?  Trenton Garmon, that's whom.  A graduate of the proud Birmingham School of Law.

Garmon likewise is doing Birmingham proud.

Thus, do you know this clearly, yet significant difference which your client’s publication(s) have failed to distinguish. And the legal requirement that your client retract the stories, to include the details which clearly are false.

Birmingham is state-accredited.  Often, these fine institutions exist because the ABA standards are too unnecessarily stringent in multiple respects and may inhibit innovative processes.  Here, we see elegantly transgressive prose, a composition so mind-blowing its merits are being lauded across the snippy internet despite its disregard of "traditional" style and grammar rules.

Garmon has also made noteworthy television appearances and was apparently disciplined one for over-zealous advocacy, as if we do not want that from our lawyers.

All from a "lower-tier" school not even accredited by the American Bar Association.  That's the power of law school, and thank God Alabama understands it enough to have state-accredited lawsuits to supplement its ABA-accredited output.

In a state-by-state review, Alabama gets an A.

How Texas A&M Rose in the Rankings

Giddy-up Aggies; Texas A&M has been rising in the coveted and self-worth-establishing law school rankings.

Why?  Is it a shallow and transparent admission that law school rankings are ultimately little more than superficial national name recognition and the people sorting these things are the type of clueless sinecures who wind up on blue ribbon task forces? 

Not entirely!  The Star-Telegram has the propaganda hard-hitting reporting:

[I]nside, the school — acquired by A&M from Texas Wesleyan in 2013 — has gone from unranked to one of the top 100 in the country, hiring more than 25 new professors in the last two years, improving job placement numbers and putting itself on a competitive playing field with well-established law schools in the state, such as SMU, the University of Houston and Baylor.
...
“While the reputation score went up simply because of the name, I think [Dean] Morriss did actually improve the academic caliber of the school,” [Demigod Distinguished Prof. Brian] Leiter said. “Lateral hires are certainly the right investment to make over the long haul. They’re already known quantities. People take notice if they see those people going to Texas A&M. They go, ‘Oh, things must be happening there.’ ”

The way Leiter sees it, A&M is already in a position to at least be competitive with SMU in attracting prospective law students to North Texas.

Surely, the Dallas legal community has already adjusted its hiring networks accordingly.

Perhaps best of all is the school's charity. They magnanimously let a third of the would-be class pursue the million-dollar dream elsewhere:

A&M’s enrollment has decreased from 774 in 2013, when it acquired the school, to 484 last year, according data from the American Bar Association.

Watch out, Texas...

As an unrelated aside, are YOU still running a no-name law school?  Drop that zero and get yourself a BRAND!  All sorts of good affiliations still available.  Princeton, Dartmouth, Brown, MIT, CIT, Central Florida, Clemson, Colorado State, San Marcos, Middle Tennessee St., Cal State Whatever, Mississippi St, Providence, Grand Canyon, Utah State, Butler, Delaware, Nevada-Reno, Boise State, Army, Navy, Air Force, Wossamatta, PCU, you name it!  Why is your school still named after John Marshall like a loser?

Dance the Charleston and Don't Let Bar Failure Stop Your Sunshine and Rainbows

Eventually.

Eventually we all die.  Eventually the sunshine will end and the Earth will be a cold rock drifting in nothing.  Eventually a half-eaten carrot will pass the bar examination and the next day triumph over RoboDarrow 8500 in a motion hearing where a computer program sued itself.

Charleston School of Law only had 44% of its graduates pass the July bar examination compared to 76% from the University of South Carolina.

Don't worry, though.  Dean Andy Abrams has the magic bag o' excuses very sound rational reasons ready to list:

This is the first year South Carolina has administered the Uniform Bar Examination,
...
"It's not a bad skill set to test; it's just very different from the way bar exams have been in the past," Abrams said.
...
Abrams said the Charleston School of Law might be seeing the long-term effects of some high-performing students who transferred out after school leaders entered negotiations with the for-profit management group InfiLaw System in 2013.
...
Abrams also pointed out that while this year's bar results look bleak, Charleston School of Law students tend to perform well in the long run. Law school grads may re-take the bar multiple times, and, according to Abrams, 90 percent of the school's graduates eventually have passed a state bar exam, either in South Carolina or another state.

First:  Bar examiner rug-pulling perfidy.

Second:  Evil capitalist sabotage.

Third:   Eventually the school's grads at an acceptable rate.

We saw this recently with Florida Coastal, now with Charleston, and probably other schools, the defense that the school's graduates eventually pass the bar even if they fall like advancing troops at Verdun the first time around.  Soon, no doubt, we'll see even more law schools adopting the talking point, as s tradition.

And why not?  For years - imprisoned, despondent years - "transparency" enthusiasts have encouraged everyone to look at long-term results, i.e., how much wealth these young strokes are going to accrue before retiring at 52 to sail and drink wine from around the world.

Why not apply that long term focus to bar exams?  Instead of "first time pass results," ask who passes it eventually.

Who does anything right the first time anyway?  You hit a home run your first time at the plate, slugger?  Paint like Rembrandt?  Lay tracks like 2 Chainz?  Cook a perfect omelet?  Make her wake the neighbors?

Of course, if we really look at the eventually side of things, 100% of law school graduates win, every time.