Friday, May 22, 2015

Montana's Ridiculous Rename Drama (Updated with happy CSOL news!)

UPDATE: Charleston will carry on another year.  Happy Memorial Day, Scam Soldiers!

Last week, news came out that Montana plaintiff's attorney Alexander Blewett III was donating $10 million to the U. of Montana's law school.  Discussions were private, and the school's faculty unanimously voted to change the school's name.  After all, "he was in the right place, right time" is the new "that dude revolutionized jurisprudence."

Some assholes think the public should have a say when renaming the state's only public law school.
But Regent Martha Sheehy, a Billings attorney, questioned why the public was not involved in the deliberations on whether to sell the school's name and for how much. The proposed contract came to the board as a finished product that the public has not had an opportunity to see, and Sheehy said neither the board nor the public know any other items that were being negotiated.
Sheehy said she's received comments from several attorneys who thanked Blewett for his gift but who also asked that the school's name be left alone.
I don't know if these Anonymous Andy "attorneys" understand how the world works, but generally, if you show up to a law school with $10 million, they're going to douse your junk in chocolate and enjoy a scrotal sundae long before the public knows what day it is.  I would make an analogy for women, but I've never seen a woman with $10 million pull this alpha-male shit.  They probably blow it on cosmetics and breast cancer research.

I mean, look at the words here:
Engstrom said the $10 million donation is a "transformative" opportunity for current and future students, but the school had to protect the identity of the donor during the process. The negotiations between Blewett and the university foundation were conducted in confidence until the donation was finalized, Engstrom said.
Is anyone going to ask why philanthropy requires negotiations?  This seems like a distinctly modern invention from the same mindset that blessed us with the 50-page packet of discovery requests and the ignominious patent troll.  When one donates money to church, there is no negotiation.  The minister is not, like, "Well, LSTC, that's a fine $2.50.  For an extra $1.00, I'll mention your shitlaw firm in an upcoming sermon..."  God bless the capitalist legal-business machine for making charity another place where the donor can get theirs.  The next time some "girl scout" wants to sell me cookies, I'm negotiating.  I'll pay $12 a box and I want the Samoa renamed to the Guamanian, or else you can take last year's sneakers and walk back the way you came, Little Olivia.

And transformative!  A beautifully academic version often used when "good" is intended.  It will be interesting to see what metamorphic changes the law school will undergo as a result of this $10 million gift.  Will it become the country-western version of Virginia?  Will it become a leader in insect migration law?  Will the law school turn into a giant coat rack?  An antifreeze factory?  An armadillo with a mohawk who doesn't take shit from anyone?

The key here is that they have to let the donation come in and allow the school's name to change.  Seriously, unless these protesting idiots pool together $10 million or more, you change the damn name.  Everything is for sale, and in these times, everything at a law school is on sale.

Blewett School of Law.  Just do it.


  1. Sounds like they Blewett. (Heh, heh...)

  2. Negotiations:

    Blewett: If you name your law school after me I will give you (pinkie in mouth) One Million Dollars.

    Skool: Twenty-Five.

    Blewett: Five.

    Skool: Twenty.

    Blewett: Ten.

    Skool: Deal.

  3. Who the fuck cares? The school will still be a worthless toilet whatever name it has.

  4. If I were going to have a law school named after me, it would be a good one, not the University of Mon-goddamn-tana.

    I have $4.65 in coins in my pocket. I'll offer that sum to Thomas Jefferson Law School if it changes its name to Scam School Number 1.

  5. There should be some word or phrase other than "philanthropy" when the super-rich donate to an unnecessary or scammy institution instead of, say, fighting disease or hunger, or supporting the fine arts. The most charitable thing to say about this guy's donation is that he Blewitt.